Meditations on God

Rewards are a Distraction (Not the Goal)
You are not perfect, but you are unique and hiding what makes you special is unfair to the rest of us because the world needs more of you, not more of us.

Witchy Hand Magic, by Ana

We all want to feel like we make a difference in some way, to someone and to feel like what we are doing matters. Beneath that desire is the potential to actually fulfill it. It is in us. That is what we are here for. We are all here to change the world in some way, large or small, in a way that only we can accomplish.

Unfortunately, the journey is long and there are many detours and dead ends along the way. It is easy to get distracted and to perceive the rewards we receive for our work, such as praise or financial success, as evidence that we have made our difference in the world. It is easy to accept the praise, the money, or the status and to stop, to accept that we have made it, that we are done and can rest on our laurels. It is at exactly this moment that we must keep going. We have more work to do. We have more change to make.

True change is not so easily praised or rewarded. True change is new and scary. True change is something unrecognizable and unimaginable. It is the faint light in the distance of a clouded dream that only we can see. It is up to us to show others the way, but we must walk through the darkness first, alone.

“As in life, so too it is in budo. As in budo, so too it is in life.”

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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June 14, 2019

achievement, budo, change, goals, life, money, praise, rewards, success, the journey, the path, the way
Deliver Your Gift with a Hug and a Smile
It’s not always about your gift. It’s about how you present it to the world.

Many years ago, when I was a technician for a large, corporate coffee company, I sat down with my supervisor to discuss a potential promotion. Another technician already had the position I wanted, but I made the case for why we should both have the position in our respective areas, he being in Baltimore and me in DC. From my perspective, I was already doing the job in DC and I wanted the title and the increased pay that came with it. I was young, arrogant, and wanted the recognition I thought I deserved.

We discussed my position, my responsibilities, and my aspirations. He listened and told me that it made sense, but it was not entirely up to him and it would take some time. Eventually, we met again and he explained that it was not likely to happen. We already had a lead tech and there would be no more promotions. I was upset. I asked him why I was being looked over when, by all measurable criteria, I was doing a better job than the other guy who had the position. I had no idea that our entire department was going to be laid off about six months later, but my supervisor put things in perspective for me.

He said, “Imagine you and your brother are each getting your mom a gift for her birthday. You put a lot of time, thought, and money into her gift. It is exactly what she wants and needs. Your brother’s gift is kind of cheap. It wasn’t very well thought out and she doesn’t really need it. However, when it’s time to visit, you put your gift in a brown paper bag and throw it on her steps as you drive away and wave. Your brother wraps his in nice paper, puts a bow on it, gets her a card, and hand delivers his gift to her with a hug and smile. Which gift do you think she appreciates more?”

“As in life, so it is in budo. As in budo, so it is in life.”

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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June 13, 2019

aspirations, budo, coffee, coffee shop, gifts, hugs, leadership, life, life lessons, smiles, technician
Passing Guard for the (Small) Win
If you want to get better at guard passing, get swept a lot.

Dwayne Bowie helping Robert Van Valkenburgh with a guard pass at Kogen Dojo. Photo credit: Mike Oswald Photography

An essential skill in Brazilian jiu-jitsu (BJJ) is the ability to pass an opponent’s guard. That is, the ability to get past a downed opponent’s legs in order to attain a dominant position on his or her torso and from which to isolate and attack the arms, neck, or head. While this is an essential skill, it is often overlooked because guard passing itself does not win a submission grappling match, submissions do. In training, in day-to-day practice, however, there are multiple ways to look at the idea of winning with submitting one’s opponent being only a superficial goal.

Practice is about improving, specifically improving incrementally in the face of greater amounts of resistance. It is about being better than you were the day before at the thing you are trying to accomplish. The Japanese refer to this principle of incremental improvement as kaizen. If we look at BJJ training from a kaizen perspective, submitting one’s opponents can be seen as a longterm macro-goal that can be broken down into many smaller and more easily achievable micro-goals to be faced and overcome along the way. Mastering guard passing is simply one example of a micro-goal in the face of the overwhelming whole of BJJ.

By focusing on one small aspect of BJJ, it is easier to track progress and make adjustments as you go. So long as it is okay with your instructor and partner, when free rolling, instead of starting from a neutral position, begin from the position you are working on. If you are working on guard passing, start from guard. At first, you will likely get submitted and swept a lot. Take note of how and why. Get back to guard and try to pass again. Over time, your guard pass will improve and you will find yourself getting submitted and swept less often. In practice, this is winning and it feels good to win.

“As in life, so too in budo. As in budo, so too in life.”

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

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June 12, 2019

bjj, brazilian jiu-jitsu, budo, goals, gracie jiu-jitsu, improvement, kaizen, kogen dojo, life, Martial Arts, practice, priorities, submission grappling, winning
True Empathy Requires Intelligence And Integrity
You are not what I feel.

Child Meditating on Swing (artist unknown)

Young children see, hear, feel, and absorb much more than we know or tend to give them credit for, especially on an emotional level. Before a certain age, however, they do not have the ability to process this information intellectually. It is as if there is a direct transfer from our feelings to theirs. They sense when we are happy, sad, frustrated, or scared and these emotions become their own. In this way, all of the information we give them begins to shape them not only emotionally, but also intellectually, and physical before they can even talk.

As they grow up and their intellects begin to develop, much of our job as parents is to teach our children how to discern between their feelings and the feelings of others, even our own. We must teach them that what we are feeling or experiencing emotionally from day to day is not necessarily because of them or directed at them and that they do not need to feel the way we feel or change the way they feel in order to please us. We must teach them that their actions or inactions are not the reason for all of our feelings and that our emotions should not be the sole reason for their action or inaction.

We must teach our children empathy, but empathy is not simply the ability to feel what others feel. Empathy also requires us to intelligently process those feelings. Emotional boundaries, the ability to separate feelings from thought and action are the foundation of maturity. Empathy, for it to be useful to us and the people around us, requires that we maintain a dividing line between the feelings of others and our own so that we are not in a constant state of tension, being pushed and pulled by the emotional currents of our surroundings. Empathy requires integrity. Integrity allows us to transform our empathy into sympathy and our sympathy into action.

“As in life, so too in budo. As in budo, so too in life.”

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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June 11, 2019

boundaries, budo, children, empathy, growing, integrity, intelligence, kids, life, teaching
Creativity is Hope’s Shield and Sword
Creativity is hope’s shield and sword. Make something. Put it into the world. Share your vision. Share your ideas. Share your art. Inspire others. Inspire hope. Change the world.

“Swords” by Ana

“As in life, so too in budo. As in budo, so too in life.”

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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June 10, 2019

art, artistic, artists, budo, change, creation, creative, creativity, Inspiration, inspire, life, maker

Rewards are a Distraction (Not the Goal)

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Deliver Your Gift with a Hug and a Smile

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Passing Guard for the (Small) Win

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True Empathy Requires Intelligence And Integrity

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Creativity is Hope’s Shield and Sword

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