Meditations on God

Sacrificing That Which Matters Not (Is No Sacrifice)
“If you’re pursuing something crazy, you have to say ‘no’ to so many opportunities to go out, to meet people, to have fun, to earn money, to do frivolous things, but in the end it’s worth it because you will then be able to do all of that stuff and you will be living a life of total engagement.”

—Brian Koppleman

If your crazy idea, your dream, your vision, is worth anything, it is worth sacrificing for. Looked at another way, giving up immediate gratification, short term satisfaction, and shallow pursuits for that which drives you, gives you fulfillment, and adds deep meaning to your life is not a sacrifice at all. A sacrifice is the act of giving up something greater for something lesser.

If your big idea, your 10x, or your disruptive technology is to be what you hope it is, there is no sacrifice in turning down the invitation to the party, the dinner, the get rich quick scheme, or the vacation today to work on what you really want tomorrow. That is not a sacrifice, it is an investment. Invest your time, your energy, and your focus on what truly matters, even if it means that you feel like you are missing out.

Saying ‘yes’ to things that do not matter means saying ‘no’ to the things that do and vice versa. There is more regret in never doing something that matters than there is in missing out on the little things that don’t.

“As in life, so too it is in budo. As in budo, so too it is in life.”

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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July 14, 2019

ambition, aspirations, budo, dreams, goals, ideas, life, persistence, personal goals, prioritizing, regret, success
Not Who You Are, But Who You Can Be
The goal is not to find someone with whom you can be yourself, but with whom you are better than you were alone.

Too much time and energy is spent trying to establish and fortify our identity, the self that we present to the world and that we want the world to embrace, respect, and admire. We advertise it, protect it, and defend it. Eventually, even we begin to believe that the posture we take with the world around us is actually who we are.

The problem with posing and posturing in this way is that it allows for no flexibility, no fluidity, and no room for evolution. We choose some version of who we imagine ourselves to be or who we want the outward world to believe that we are and we encase that self in amber to carry around with us everywhere we go.

When we meet new people, we hold up this perfectly formed and preserved artifact of self to show them and, if they embrace it, if they admire it and respect it, we feel for a moment as if they are accepting and loving us. We know and we fear, however, that they will eventually see past the illusion we project and that they will see the person who projects it, naked and afraid, terrified that we are unworthy of love and acceptance.

When the illusion falls, when we allow ourselves to be seen, with all of our flaws and fears and failures, we imagine that the person or people who love us, if they truly do, will accept these shortcomings and will embrace us in spite of them, allowing us to remain who we are or were. If they truly love us, however, they want us to be better, they want us to evolve, to grow, and to become who we truly can be not who we once thought we were.

“As in life, so too it is in budo. As in budo, so too it is in life.”

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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July 13, 2019

acceptance, budo, compassion, ego, identity, illusion, life, love, self, understanding
Do We See Each Other?
“Daddy, look at me. Look at this. Look at what I am doing. Look at what I did. Look at what I made. Look at what I made for you.”

“Airplane” by Ana

We ask our children to sit still, to be quiet, to focus, to listen, and to pay attention. We expect them to be mindful of others and their surroundings. We want them to be polite and caring and compassionate.

Yet, we are often so busy and so hurried in our lives that we cannot exhibit these same behaviors ourselves.

We rush. We multitask. We place achievement and accomplishment over presence and stillness. We value more over better, quantity over quality. We work. We hustle. We grind. We do not stop until we are sick or injured, and, even then, we want a quick fix and a speedy recovery.

All the while, life is happening and we are missing it. Sure, we have pictures of it. We took videos. We posted about it. We did everything we could do, except to experience it.

Our children deserve better. We deserve better. Slow down. Take a moment. Breathe. Notice. Observe. Be present. Be gracious. Allow yourself to see your children, to truly see them. Give them that gift. Give yourself that gift. Let them see you seeing them. We will all be better for it.

“As in life, so too it is in budo. As in budo, so too it is in life.”

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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July 12, 2019

awarness, budo, business, children, family, kids, life, mindfulness, presence, the grind, the hustle, work
What Is Your Story?
“There’s no such thing as a mistake. A mistake is an opportunity to do something else.”

—Ralph Steadman

“Perspective” a tattoo designed by my friend Tommie Parker aka Mountain Teep

The way we experience our life, the things we do, and the things that happen to us or around us, is quite often a matter of the story that we tell ourselves about these occurrences. In our story, are we the victim, the hero, the villain, or the innocent bystander? Did this particular experience set us back, push us forward, or keep us stuck where we are? Is our life an adventure, a tragedy, or a comedy?

Once we acknowledge that our perception of our experience is nothing more than a story, we gain the power to change the way that we tell that story to ourselves and to the world. If we face every experience with openness and curiosity, we give ourselves the permission to not be reactive, to not feel as if life is happening to us, but is happening with us.

By not being reactive to our experiences, we give ourselves the space and the opportunity to tell a new story, to begin writing it with consciousness and intention, to not see mistakes or to feel regret, but to see opportunities for learning, growth, and change.

“As in life, so too it is in budo. As in budo, so too it is in life.”

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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July 11, 2019

budo, life, life lessons, mistakes, opportunities, perspective, stories
Keep Trying Until The Timing Is Right
“The right technique with the wrong timing is the wrong technique.”

—Brazilian jiu-jitsu saying

Kogen Dojo owners Matthew Van Valkenburgh, Dwayne Bowie, and Robert Van Valkenburgh at Kogen Dojo’s 2nd Anniversary. Photo by Haley Arias Photography

Recently, the martial art school that I own and operate with my brother and our friend celebrated its second anniversary. While these past two years and the potential for the future that they represent are certainly something to be celebrated, what I was struck by was the thought of how much time, energy, and effort preceded even the thought to open our own school. There are so many of little, seemingly unrelated things we each did in our past, leading up to this moment, that may have seemed like failures at the time, but were actually just practice.

Simply because an idea does not manifest the results you hoped for does not mean that it was necessarily a bad idea. Your timing may have been off. Just because something you did for someone else was not received well or appreciated does not mean that it was the wrong intention or action. It may have simply been the wrong recipient. If you fail while doing the right thing, do not lose hope and do not lose heart. Certainly, do not cease to do the right thing. Be patient and do it somewhere else, with someone else, and for someone else.

There is always a need in the world for quality, for caring, and for innovation. If you have thoughtful, generous, and creative ideas, but they are not well received, you simply have not yet found the right audience. This is not an excuse to be snobbish or stubborn with bad ideas. Your ideas must have depth and weight. They must offer positive change for people looking for that kind of change, even if they don’t necessarily know it yet. You must continue to try, to practice until your best ideas, your best work finds the right person or people, the right setting, and the right timing because the right technique with the right timing is magical.

Holistic Budo: As in life, so too it is in budo. As in budo, so too it is in life.

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

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July 10, 2019

audience, bjj, brazilian jiu-jitsu, budo, ideas, Inspiration, kogen dojo, life, Martial Arts, timing

Sacrificing That Which Matters Not (Is No Sacrifice)

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Not Who You Are, But Who You Can Be

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Do We See Each Other?

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What Is Your Story?

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Keep Trying Until The Timing Is Right

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