We cannot control all aspects of life, nor should we expect ourselves to be able to.
A lot of things come at us from day to day, probably more than we can effectively address, manage, or resolve.
That is okay.
Trying to solve every perceived problem, complete every task, and make progress in every direction of our lives all at once will inevitably lead to frustration, overwhelm, and undue amounts of stress because, simply put, it is an impossible task.
In fact, it is a fool’s errand to even try.
Instead of focusing on completion, closure, and resolution in all things, we must learn to focus on progress with regards to those things that matter most.
The goal, after all, is not simply to get things done, but to get things done that make a difference, that move us forward, and that change our lives and the lives of those around us for the better.
This requires that we direct as much of our attention, our effort, and our energy as we can on the people, places, and things that not only need us most, but that we can most greatly and positively affect.
This becomes much more difficult if and when we take on stress associated with things we cannot or should not try to manage, control, or change.
Progress requires efficacy and efficacy requires discernment.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Trying to solve the world’s problems is a great distraction from doing the work that actually matters.
Every moment spent trying to fix the world outside of our reach is time, energy, and attention not given to our personal lives, our relationships, and our community.
Every moment spent focused on perceived problems beyond our control or influence is time, energy, and attention not given to our calling, our purpose, and our unique contribution to the world.
Our families need us, our communities need us, and our dreams needs us.
Time is fleeting. Energy misspent is easily exhausted. Attention is precious, limited, and non-retrievable once given away.
We must not waste what we have on that which we cannot affect.
There is nothing out there that needs our effort, our attention, our thoughts, our feelings, or our insight more than our loved ones do, more than our communities do, or more than our work does, whether our work is personal, communal, creative, or some combination of these.
In order to give our time, energy, and attention to something or someone, we must turn away and take it away from something or someone else.
This should be a conscious, measured, and intentional decision not an accidental and careless distraction.
Our limited resources should not be wasted on problems or people that did not or do not want or need our help, especially if we cannot actually help them.
We cannot contribute to, collaborate with, or create that which matters most if our focus is being given to every next, loudest distraction that comes our way.
The distractions will not stop. The onus is on us to pause, turn away, and refocus.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Do the difficult thing first. Get it out of the way. Check it off the list.
Face that which you are most avoiding. Do it while it is convenient knowing that it is never truly convenient. Do it anyway. Do it now. It will not become easier with time.
Time only adds to the fear, the anxiety, and the dread. Avoidance feeds on time like a cancer. The longer we wait to do that which we know we must, the more the worry, the resentment, and the shame metastasize into all other aspects of our selves and our lives.
The things we do not want to do, the things we do not want to face, they are not going anywhere. They are in us. We cannot get away from them by running. We cannot run away from ourselves. We can never truly hide from our fears, insecurities, needs, and wants.
Hard work now makes our lives easier tomorrow. Avoiding the hard work now makes our lives more difficult tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that. Do the difficult thing first. Do it now.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Sometimes the best input is silence and the best proximity is distance.
There are more people than ever who want to tell us how to feel, what to believe, and how to act, but there are very few who are actually concerned with how we feel, what we believe, and what we want to do with and for our lives. With input coming at us from all directions, it becomes increasingly difficult to discern what in our lives is the result of our needs and desires and what is the result of outside influence. The more we engage with these forces of influence acting on us, the blurrier the lines become between who we are and who others want us to be.
The reality is that there is simply no feasible way to focus on our own lives, needs, and desires while also giving our attention to what everyone else is doing and saying, especially with regards to how we should feel, think, and act. Our capacity for attention is limited and there are only so many hours in the day, so we must spend our time, the only truly nonrenewable resource, wisely. Because of this, it is imperative, for our own health, wellness, and progress, that we make time and space in our lives for quiet reflection and creation, whether alone or with those who matter most.
Jiu-jitsu teaches us that when we find ourselves in a bad position, overwhelmed by forces we simply cannot overcome head on, the best strategy is to create space and disengage until we can find a new, safer angle from which to more effectively move forward. The best jiu-jitsu practitioners are, not coincidentally, also the most difficult to hold in disadvantageous positions and the least likely to put themselves into those positions on purpose, except perhaps as a way of practicing survival, escapes, and reversals under duress. Over time, we come to find that success demands that we give ourselves room to breathe, to see the big picture, and to move forward intelligently in the direction that benefits us and not our opponent, that we become masters of controlling space.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Meditations on God 