If we compare our progress, whether it be personal, professional, relational, or spiritual, with the progress we perceive in others, our progress will be hindered.
We will get frustrated with ourselves and that frustration will slow us down.
It will block our path and it will cause us to lose our bearing.
We will begin to get sidetracked and lose focus on exactly those things that will lead to our growth.
What other people have or experience is really none of our business.
Our focus needs to be on what we can do in order to improve, grow, and facilitate positive change in the world around us.
Anything else is wasted time, energy, and attention.
As we walk our path, from time to time, we will be get distracted.
Sometimes these distractions will cause us to stray off course.
This is an inevitability.
In fact, one could say that this, too, is part of the path.
But, our goal should be to ensure that, when go astray, we recognize it as quickly as possible, learn whatever lessons we were meant to learn, right whatever wrongs we are meant to right, and then get back on track before it is too late to do so.
After all, it is possible to go too far in the wrong direction, so far, in fact, that we never find our way back.
We do not want what could have been a mere detour to become a dead end.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
If our aim is to be of service, one of the pitfalls we must learn to avoid is conflating other people’s agendas with our actual purpose.
The desire to serve, regardless of what form that service takes, requires us to be somewhat sensitive to the needs and desires of those to whom we are trying to be of service.
If we are to be truly useful, however, this sensitivity needs to be balanced with an unwavering clarity of purpose.
We have to know why, to whom, and in what way we are trying to be of service.
This also means understanding and accepting that any ideas and agenda that pulls us away from our purpose are a distraction from that purpose.
Divergence from our path diminishes our usefulness along that path.
In order to maintain our bearing, we must establish boundaries and learn to protect them.
We must learn to say no to distractions.
And, we must learn to do so with tact and grace because our goal is to be of service, after all, not to be cruel or dismissive.
By always referring back to our purpose, we give ourselves a standard through which to make our decisions.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
“I gotcha back, but you best to watch your front ‘cause it’s the people that front, they be pulling stunts.” —Gary E. Grice, aka GZA
Proximity does not imply connection. Just because someone stands next to us does not mean that they share our moral, philosophical, or spiritual beliefs, and it certainly does not mean that they want or will do what is best for us or our tribe. In fact, the best place for our enemies to hide is right next to us, protected by the shadows that are created by the light we are trying to put into the world.
It is when we are at our most sensitive, at our most open-hearted, and our most raw with emotion that we are also the most porous and susceptible to negative influence. When we feel the most deeply about some issue, event, or cause, we are also at our most vulnerable to psychological, emotional, and spiritual hijacking. When our hearts and minds are flooded with emotion, we often lose the ability to filter the good from the bad and are temporarily blinded to the truth around us.
It is in moments like these, when we are at our happiest, our saddest, our angriest, or our most hurt, that we are in most desperate need our family and trusted friends by our side. We need them not only to share in our joy, our sorrow, our rage, or our pain, but also to act as a buffer between our open hearts and the malignant forces that want to creep into them. It only takes a little bit of evil to corrupt, distort, and manipulate the truth and the light, and the hope they bring.
While we need those we love, respect, and trust to watch our backs for us, we must also watch our fronts, being careful to maintain our focus and our bearing as we move forward because a lie looks and sounds a lot like the truth when it is masked by passion.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
There is no way to know where we are headed if we are constantly looking sideways.
With the ubiquitous nature of social media in our lives, it is easier than ever to compare ourselves and our lives to others, to look at them, or at least what they project and to feel like we are in a competition for fulfillment, for experiences, and for wealth, material or otherwise. This is a problem as old as time, but it has amplified in recent years in both degree and frequency. What we forget when we look around is that success is relative, not to who others are and what they have, but to who we are and who we want to be.
Contentment, whether with regards to success, wealth, or trajectory, is the result of alignment, not comparison. When what we have and how we are living is in alignment with our values, only then can we be content with who we are and where we are headed. We must, therefore, look inward in order to look forward.
If we do not know ourselves, our preferences, and our values, we cannot possibly know our true bearing and we will be perpetually lost, distracted, and pulled in every direction but forward by what we see others doing and accumulating. Knowing who we are, what we like, and what we value allows us to know who we are not, what we do not like, and what has no real meaning to us in terms of our own happiness or fulfillment. Of course, we must remain open to new experiences and new opportunities, but we should look inward to know if they are right for us, if they have value in our lives, and if they will help or hinder us in becoming who we want or are meant to be.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
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Meditations on God 