Part of our purpose here is to discover what our gift is and to share it with others.
But, there is more to life than that.
We are not here alone.
We cannot fulfill our purpose in a vacuum.
As important as our own gift is to our life and to the contribution that we make to the lives of those around us, equally important are the unique talents, ideas, and perspectives of others.
Being able to see this, to appreciate it, and to come together for the common good is the true meaning of community.
By working together, by being strong where someone else is weak, and by allowing others to be strong where we are weak, that is how change is made.
But first, we must be open to the possibility that we need others and that they also need us.
This is not an easy undertaking.
Our egos are always working against us.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
When we think about what love means, it is easy to conjure ideas about all of the things we give and receive in its name. We imagine the time, energy, and emotion that we put into our relationships and, in the same thought, we imagine how that investment is or will be reciprocated. Love, we imagine, is a two-way street, a limitless cycle of giving and receiving for mutual benefit.
We know that when we give of ourselves to those we love, we will feel good about having done so. Beyond that, we know that witnessing the joy of those we love when they receive what we have to offer will uplift us even further. And yet, within this giving, there is also the natural hope that it will not be one-sided and that we will benefit from such care, kindness, and generosity returned back to us in some form or another.
While both giving and even receiving are essential facets of any loving relationship, it is actually what we are willing to give up for others with no expectation of reciprocity that is the true measure, and also the true test, of our love. Love’s deepest and most raw, even painful, manifestation is self-sacrifice. In order for such sacrifices to truly come from a place of love, however, they can not be demanded of us, they can not be manipulated out of us, and they can not be negotiated for because love, in its purest form, is an informed, willful decision to give.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
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It’s not always about your gift. It’s about how you present it to the world.
Many years ago, when I was a technician for a large, corporate coffee company, I sat down with my supervisor to discuss a potential promotion. Another technician already had the position I wanted, but I made the case for why we should both have the position in our respective areas, he being in Baltimore and me in DC. From my perspective, I was already doing the job in DC and I wanted the title and the increased pay that came with it. I was young, arrogant, and wanted the recognition I thought I deserved.
We discussed my position, my responsibilities, and my aspirations. He listened and told me that it made sense, but it was not entirely up to him and it would take some time. Eventually, we met again and he explained that it was not likely to happen. We already had a lead tech and there would be no more promotions. I was upset. I asked him why I was being looked over when, by all measurable criteria, I was doing a better job than the other guy who had the position. I had no idea that our entire department was going to be laid off about six months later, but my supervisor put things in perspective for me.
He said, “Imagine you and your brother are each getting your mom a gift for her birthday. You put a lot of time, thought, and money into her gift. It is exactly what she wants and needs. Your brother’s gift is kind of cheap. It wasn’t very well thought out and she doesn’t really need it. However, when it’s time to visit, you put your gift in a brown paper bag and throw it on her steps as you drive away and wave. Your brother wraps his in nice paper, puts a bow on it, gets her a card, and hand delivers his gift to her with a hug and smile. Which gift do you think she appreciates more?”
“As in life, so it is in budo. As in budo, so it is in life.”
-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
Meditations on God 