Meditations on God

Our Children Are Watching Us Do What Is Right (Or Wrong)
The best time to do what is right is before we are told to, but doing so after we are told to is a close second.

The most important trait we can pass down to our children is a moral compass, the ability to know and do what is right even when peers, society at large, or the opportunities in front of them urge them to do the opposite. We do not want our children to only do what is right when it is convenient, popular, or in their immediate best interest. We want our children to have integrity, to understand and to choose what is good and true, and to do so even when no one is watching, when there is no reward for doing so, and even when doing so may cause them short-term social, psychological, or financial suffering.

Of course, no one wants their children to suffer, but doing the right thing is not always easy. In fact, sometimes it is quite difficult and even painful. Often, doing the right thing means missing out on what others are enjoying and experiencing with seeming impunity, it means missing out on being cool or popular, and it means missing out on fast and easy material or financial gain.

Doing what is right means taking the longview on life, on who we are, on who we want to be, and on what we want our reputation, our legacy, and our future prospects to be. Children do not have the ability to think into the future like this, they are not capable of thinking past want, need, and desire, and their minds often blur the lines between what is true, what is right, and what is best with what they imagine, with the stories they make up, and with what they see from others. Morality and forethought are signs of maturity, but they are learned over time, both explicitly from what we say and implicitly from what we do as parents, teachers, and leaders.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh (artist unknown, unless otherwise noted).

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March 30, 2020

children, ethics, integrity, leaders, leadership, learning, life, morality, parenting, teachers
Becoming What Others Need (Kiaijutsu)
For positive outcomes of mutual benefit, we must begin by being who and what others need us to be.

Years ago, when I began digging into Japanese martial art history and philosophy, I sent an email to an author of several books on the subject, Ellis Amdur. Not only did he respond kindly and honestly to my inquiry, but that one email started an online dialogue and a friendship that still continues to this day. In fact, Ellis’s guidance led me to my teacher, Budd Yuhasz, and the name Kogen Dojo, the martial art school I own and operate with my brother and our friend, came directly from Ellis.

One of the conversations Ellis and I had through our emails was about the Japanese martial art principle of kiai. Kiaijutsu (the skill or art of kiai) is commonly known for its most superficial manifestation, the loud shouting (or sometimes grunting, screaming, or screeching) done by practitioners of classical, and some more modern, Japanese martial arts as they perform their strikes, sword cuts, etc. The essence of kiai, I came to learn, is deeper and more complex than this outward expression.

As has been said elsewhere, “Kiai is the manipulation of your own psychological and physical organization, and, in interaction with another person, manipulating them as well, hopefully for positive tactical outcomes, whatever that may be.” Kiaijutsu is not trickery, however, and manipulation, in spite of its often negative connotations, simply means having influence, ideally to positive effect for mutual benefit, over another person’s thoughts and actions. This is a necessary skill in leadership, parenting, and the deescalation of conflict.

Influence is constantly happening in all of our relationships in one direction or another, whether we know it or not and whether we like it or not, but kiaijutsu is the ability to take conscious control of influence as a skill. In this way, kiaijutsu, can be used as a means of fostering and developing more positive relationships and outcomes in our lives by circumventing conflict altogether and reorganizing ourselves to be exactly who and what others need us to be. This ability begins with empathy and sincerity.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh (artist unknown, unless otherwise noted).

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March 29, 2020

compassion, empathy, influence, japanese martial arts, kiai, kiaijutsu, kogen dojo, leadership, manipulation, mutual benefit, taikyoku budo
Pivoting For Progress
Move forward decisively and purposefully, but leave room to pivot.

Whether in relationships, business, fitness, or martial arts, once we know where we want to go and we have a plan to get there, it is important to begin moving in that direction without haste and to stick with the plan as best we can. No plan is perfect, however, nor can it account for every contingency, variable, or obstacle we may face along the way. This fact should not stop us from planning or from acting on our plans, though.

If we want to make any progress in our lives, toward our goals and aspirations, we have to assume that there is a path forward in whatever direction we choose to go, or we have to make a plan to create the path we need. This requires a kind of progressive optimism. It requires a mindset that tells us, regardless of the fact that we may, no, that we will run into difficulty along the way, that we will not stop until we get where we are going.

Sometimes, in spite of our will to progress, in spite our optimism, and in spite of our best planning, we come face-to-face with a challenge that we simply have no way to overcome with the tools at our disposal. If the obstacle in our path is truly insurmountable, we must choose whether to keep moving forward, crashing into it to the bitter end, to quit and go back to from where we came, or to humble ourselves, look for creative solutions in other directions, and pivot. In the end, the true path forward requires us to be both open-minded and agile.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh (artist unknown, unless otherwise noted).

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March 28, 2020

aspirations, challenges, goals, irimi, irimi tenkan, obstacles, pivot, pivoting, progress, the path, the way
Peace is a Practice
Sitting still is not the same as being present.

When I was about 19 years old, a friend and mentor introduced me to the philosophies, religions, and spiritual practices of South and East Asia, specifically Buddhism, Taoism, and, to a lesser degree, Hinduism. His goal was not to convert me to a particular belief system (he also introduced me to Aristotle, Plato, Nietzsche, et al), but to open my mind to different perspectives and to give me a means by which to be more grounded, mindful, and compassionate with myself and others, something I desperately needed. I was lost and he was trying to help me find my way.

During this time, we had many conversations about life, philosophy, and practice. I am not sure whether it was from one of those conversations or from one of the books I was reading, but, when life gets hectic or is not going as planned, and I am feeling overwhelmed, unsettled, and anxious, I am reminded of something I either heard or read. Paraphrasing to the best of my memory: It is easy to sit mindfully and to be at peace alone, next to a stream, on the top of a mountain, but the ability to do this next to the highway, at rush hour, with all of the noise and distractions, is where we are truly tested.

Mindfulness, the ability to be still, to be present, patient, and compassionate, is a skill and, like all skills, it requires discipline and practice. Once we have some base level of skill developed in ideal circumstances, like sitting daily meditation for 10-20 minutes in a quiet, relaxing space and setting, we begin to see that every moment, every circumstance, and every interaction is an opportunity to practice. By practicing mindfulness in this way, even though we will fall short, often, very often, we give give ourselves the permission and the opportunity to step back from what is happening, both internally and externally, and to look at it through a different lens, a lens of empathy and loving understanding.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh (artist unknown, unless otherwise noted).

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March 27, 2020

buddhism, compassion, empathy, love, meditation, mindfulness, peace, taoism, understaning
The Choice Is Yours And Mine
Our legacies are built one decision, one action, and one interaction at a time.

Every day, from the moment we wake up until we fall asleep, we have a multitude of choices to make, so many choices, in fact, that there is no possible way to be right all of the time. Often, the best we can do, with the limited amount of information, knowledge, and time we have, is to try to do what is right. Even defining what is right, ethically, morally, and socially, is a series of choices that must be weighed against our own beliefs, circumstances, and cultural context.

Life is complicated. No one is perfect. We do our best.

None of this excuses us, however, from being accountable for our decisions. The onus is on us to make as many choices as we can, from moment to moment, consciously, intentionally, and responsibly. All of our decisions, all of our actions, and all of our interactions have an effect on others and the world around us, now and for a long time to come, whether we know it or not, whether we like it or not.

Who we are now and what we do now shapes ours and everyone else’s future. This has never not been true. Our legacy is a choice, every choice.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh (artist unknown, unless otherwise noted).

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March 26, 2020

actions, behavior, choices, decisions, future, legacy, repercussions

Our Children Are Watching Us Do What Is Right (Or Wrong)

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Becoming What Others Need (Kiaijutsu)

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Pivoting For Progress

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Peace is a Practice

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The Choice Is Yours And Mine

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