Tag: compromise

• Necessary Compromise

  If you have relationships you care about, you will have to make compromises in order to maintain them. 

  Relationships are not one sided. 

  Every relationship has a necessary amount of give and take. 

  You may sometimes find that which you feel most strongly about is exactly that which you must give up for the sake of your relationship. 

  Relationships will challenge you in this way. 

  They provide friction in order to force your growth. 

  They require you to face parts of yourself that you would rather not and make you reconsider your values when you otherwise would not. 

  Not all compromises are necessary, but the most meaningful relationships will make you compromise more than you expected and in ways you did not expect. 

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  October 24, 2023

  change, compromise, friction, growth, relationships

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• Becoming Together

  Very few people in this life will love you simply for being yourself.

  Most people will love you for being who they need you to be.

  Relationships come with expectations, responsibilities, and obligations.

  Simply being yourself will not be enough; you will also have to give of yourself.

  Additionally, you must adapt, grow, and change in order to maintain these relationships.

  Who you are may initially connect you to others, but who you become together, through joy and pain, laughter and grief, compromise and struggle, is what will keep your relationships going.

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  April 1, 2023

  community, compromise, expectations, friendship, obligations, relationships, responsibilities, togetherness

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• Fooled By Certainty

  It is easy to be fooled into compromise by the promise of certainty.

  This is especially true if we are not firm in our convictions.

  Doubt leaves room for temptation to creep in and to take us off of our path.

  But no one can promise us certainty, or at least they cannot promise permanence.

  It is a fool’s bargain, therefore, to trade our destiny for someone else’s false promise of certainty.

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  March 5, 2023

  certainty, choice, compromise, destiny, impermanence, permanence

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• Regret Is Optional

  Difficulty is inevitable, but regret is a choice. 
  

  No matter what path we choose, we will face difficulty along the way. 
  

  This cannot be avoided. 
  

  Of course, some paths will be easier than others, but none will be free of difficulty. 
  

  If difficulty is inevitable, the choice we must make, then, is not which path will be easy, but which path will lead us to less regret. 
  

  Regret is optional. 
  

  Regret is the result of making choices we would rather not have made or accepting compromises we would rather not have accepted. 
  

  Regret is not the result of what is done to us, but of what we do to ourselves whether by misguided action or inaction. 
  

  It is often tempting to flip regret around and to make ourselves out to be the victims of our circumstances, relationships, or associations, but this is a trap. 
  

  If we are honest with ourselves, wherever we find regret, we will also find that the majority of the culpability lies with us.
  

  Blame offers no solutions, only excuses. 
  

  Regret, properly understood, leave no room for such things. 
  

  Regret is a teacher and should be embraced as such, not misdirected toward someone or something else. 
  

  Once we experience real, lifelong, unconsolable regret, we learn an invaluable lesson. 
  

  We learn that when we act or fail to act out of fear, we guarantee our suffering. 
  

  While the courage to act in spite of fear does not guarantee us a life of ease and safety, it does guarantee that we will have fewer regrets. 

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  February 28, 2021

  blame, bravery, choice, compromise, courage, fear, regret

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• On Appeasement

  When we go along with something we do not agree with just to make someone else happy, or at least to make them not unhappy, we are doing a disservice to ourselves and others.

  Honesty, so long as it is coupled with kindness, is always a better policy than appeasement.

  Like all forms of dishonesty, appeasement hurts all parties involved.

  It creates division in the relationship where there need not be any.

  And, while appeasement may delay the pain of disappointment for a while, it will not keep it at bay forever.

  Eventually, the truth will come out in one way or another and feelings will be hurt, or worse.

  Obviously, this does not mean that we should never compromise.

  Compromise is a necessary part of nearly all relationships.

  What we should not do, however, is to lie about what we want or do not want simply to make things easier.

  It does not make things easier.

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  Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

  Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo Self Defense Academy where he teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

  All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.*

  *Robert Van Valkenburgh’s black and white photography can be seen at My Darkness To Light

  Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

  If you found this post helpful or meaningful in some way, please feel free to Share, Comment, and Subscribe below.

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  November 22, 2020

  appeasement, compromise, dishonesty, honesty, lies, truth

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