When we go along with something we do not agree with just to make someone else happy, or at least to make them not unhappy, we are doing a disservice to ourselves and others.
Honesty, so long as it is coupled with kindness, is always a better policy than appeasement.
Like all forms of dishonesty, appeasement hurts all parties involved.
It creates division in the relationship where there need not be any.
And, while appeasement may delay the pain of disappointment for a while, it will not keep it at bay forever.
Eventually, the truth will come out in one way or another and feelings will be hurt, or worse.
Obviously, this does not mean that we should never compromise.
Compromise is a necessary part of nearly all relationships.
What we should not do, however, is to lie about what we want or do not want simply to make things easier.
It does not make things easier.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo Self Defense Academy where he teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.*
*Robert Van Valkenburgh’s black and white photography can be seen at My Darkness To Light
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