Meditations on God

On Friction For Growth
Two of our greatest teachers are failure and criticism, and improvement requires that we be open to both.

None of us is truly objective with regards to ourselves.

We cannot see everything about who we are, how we behave, and what affect we have on the world around us.

This is especially true when things seem to be going well, when they appear to be working, and when we feel as if we are succeeding.

Success and momentum tend to hide our mistakes, flaws, and shortcomings.

When things are going smoothly we find ourselves blind to much of the truth.

As long as we are moving, we often tell ourselves, there is no reason to change.

We only see forward.

We miss the little things that we could have done better.

This is why we need some amount of friction in our lives.

Friction grabs our attention.

It forces us to focus on the present, on what is happening now, and on what aspects of ourselves and our lives can use improvement.

Failure and criticism, as long as we see them for what they are, which is friction, exist for us to see what we could not on our own.

They exist to give us perspective.

They exist to help us to improve in ways that we would otherwise be unable to.

Failure and criticism exist for us, not to avoid them, resist them, or fight them, but to benefit from them.

With this perspective in mind, when we find ourselves failing at or being criticized for some thing, we should not be vexed.

Instead, we should smile and be grateful.

This is an opportunity we may have otherwise missed to be better than we were yesterday.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo Self Defense Academy where he teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.

Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

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October 26, 2020

achievement, change, criticism, failure, friction, goals, growth, progress, self improvement, success
The Shared Burden Of Abundance
We are not empty vessels that need to be filled by some external resource before we are able to help others.

Our capacity to help others is not extrinsic.

It does not come from what we attain, possess, or are given.

It is intrinsic.

It is part of who we are.

It is part of our nature as intelligent, emotional, communal creatures.

The young, sick, and elderly notwithstanding, none of us lives in a vacuum wherein we are able to get and have whatever we want or need without first giving of ourselves in some way.

Whether our efforts are physical, intellectual, or emotional, we have to first give in order to receive.

We have to contribute.

We have to invest.

We have to exchange effort for reward.

In no community, family, or household can we simply work on ourselves, gather for ourselves, and acquire for ourselves before ever doing anything for anyone else and still expect to be accepted, appreciated, and rewarded as a part of the group.

We cannot put everyone and everything around us on hold while we fill our proverbial cup first with the promise of sharing later.

The cup is not ours, alone.

It never was.

The cup is a shared vessel and the responsibility of filling it is a shared burden.

Humanity is not a zero sum game.

It is a communal struggle, a communal journey, and a communal experience of abundance and loss.

This is why, whether manifested as the freeloader or the miser, selfishness is so intolerable and abhorrent.

We are hardwired for fairness, justice, and equity.

These are the result of shared effort and shared reward, not self care.

As long as we are not ill, injured, or otherwise incapable, we all have something to give.

We are all in this together whether we act like it or not.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo Self Defense Academy where he teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.

Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

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October 25, 2020

abundance, community, compassion, equity, fairness, family, generosity, giving, justice, love, sharing, tribe
Weakness Hidden In Strength
We sometimes use the things we are good at as a way of excusing ourselves from doing the things that are difficult.

Staying the same is easier than putting in the effort that is required for improvement.

This is especially true when that which we want or need to improve at takes us in the opposite direction of our comfort.

As a result, we develop habits, beliefs, and behaviors that protect us from extreme change.

We become skilled in ways of avoiding or bypassing the need for improvement.

We settle into patterns and routines that seem to work for us.

They seem to help us.

So, we focus on them.

We accentuate them.

We rely on them.

These patterns and routines soon become our character.

They become our strengths.

But, simply being good at something does not mean it is the right thing or the best thing.

Strengths are often used to hide, bypass, or avoid working on weakness.

We begin to tell ourselves and others that our perceived strengths are who we are.

We tell ourselves and others that we cannot or have no reason to change.

After all, we are strong in this one way that seems to be working for us.

Instead of looking for ways to improve, we look for ways to protect who we have become.

We settle for what we are good at because it is what we are used to doing and being.

What we are good at soon becomes an excuse for not being better, for not improving, and not evolving.

With this in mind, when we find ourselves feeling especially confident and strong, it may benefit us to pause, even if for a brief moment, to consider what weakness we are ignoring, avoiding, or denying in order to be who we are.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo Self Defense Academy where he teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.

Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

If you found this post helpful or meaningful in some way, please feel free to Share, Comment, and Subscribe below.
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October 24, 2020

behavior, beliefs, change, character, habits, personality, protection, routines, strength, survival, weakness
Transforming Our Flaws
There will always be certain things about ourselves that we would gladly change if we could, but, for whatever reason, we are unable to do so.

They follow us everywhere we go, gnawing at our heals and weighing us down.

The harder we try to get away from these attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors, the stronger and more pronounced they seem to become.

As we try to chase them away, they begin to chase us right back, keeping us running in circles, strengthened by the attention.

We cannot escape them.

We cannot deny them.

We are stuck with them.

They are part of who we are.

This does not mean that we should accept them and accentuate them.

They bother us for a reason.

They are causing us difficulty.

We need to dig into them, explore them, and understand their reason for being.

In order to mitigate their negative effects on us and those around us, we need to trace them back to their points of origin.

We must try to understand who we were before we believed, behaved, and felt this way, what happened, and why we changed.

Understanding alone is not sufficient for deep, meaningful change to take place, however.

Knowledge of self is not enough to transform us into someone better.

We need to put in work.

It will not be easy.

It will not happen quickly.

These are the things that once saved us, protected us, and helped us to survive, but, over time, they have turned against us.

Without them, we are vulnerable.

We need love, compassion, and grace to replace them.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo Self Defense Academy where he teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.

Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

If you found this post helpful or meaningful in some way, please feel free to Share, Comment, and Subscribe below.
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October 23, 2020

change, compassion, flaws, grace, growth, improvement, love, purpose, support, survival, transcendence, transformation
Changing Ourselves Through Service
Never underestimate the transformative power of helping others.

At some point or another in our lives, we all need a little bit of help.

Sometimes we need a lot.

Whether it is physical, informational, or emotional assistance, we all eventually need help at some time, for some reason, and in some way.

This knowledge is an extremely powerful tool.

It tells us that someone else, somewhere may actually need our help right now.

And, when we are feeling down, when we are overwhelmed, or when we are simply uninspired and unfocused, helping others is nearly guaranteed to lift us up, set us straight, and give us a sense of clarity and purpose.

It does not have to be something big, dramatic, or showy.

In fact, our assistance can be something that is so subtle and modest that no one else even knows it occurred.

Every act of kindness and generosity we bestow upon others, so long as we have no expectation of reward, praise, or even acknowledgement in return, is a gift we give to ourselves.

This gift has the power to change our lives, our outlook on the world, and our relationships with others.

As we change the world, we are changed also.

If we change the world for the better, one word, one gesture, and one action at a time, we too will be changed for the better.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo Self Defense Academy where he teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.

Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

If you found this post helpful or meaningful in some way, please feel free to Share, Comment, and Subscribe below.
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October 22, 2020

assistance, change, community, generosity, gift, graciousness, help, helping, purpose, service, transformation

On Friction For Growth

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The Shared Burden Of Abundance

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Weakness Hidden In Strength

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Transforming Our Flaws

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Changing Ourselves Through Service

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