Different people like different things.
Let them have it.
Their preferences do not affect you.
If they enjoy something you do not, it does not make what you enjoy any less valuable.
Focus on what you like and leave other people alone.
As long as they are not doing something to you, mind your own business.
Life is short so do what you want and let others do the same.
It is okay to say, “This is not for me.”
You do not have to like everything others create.
Nor do you have to be opposed to that which you do not like.
If it is not for you, it is not for you.
Let it be.
Leave others alone to make what they make and to enjoy what they enjoy.
Likewise, it is okay for others to say of your work, “This is not for me.”
Your work should not be for everyone anyway.
If no one dislikes your work, it is very likely that no one loves it either.
That which others are passionate about may feel totally hollow and empty to us, but that does not mean we cannot enthusiastically support their passion.
We are not all the same. We do not all enjoy and value the same things, the same activities, the same music, the same movies, the same art, the same style, the same food, or even the same people. Not only is this okay, but it should be embraced and celebrated, for it is our differences that make us interesting.
As much as preferences are based on our life’s experiences, how we were raised, our cultures, and our personal philosophies, they are also a bit of a mystery. We cannot know all of the reasons we like one thing over another, why some things move us, frighten us, attract us, repulse us, excite us, or bore us. Our feelings go deeper than our conscious understanding.
When we see that others enjoy something we do not, so long as it is within the realm of reasonable morality, instead of dismissing them or their preferences outright, we would be well-served to pause and to consider that perhaps their preference for that thing is no different than our preference against it. It may not be a matter of their choice to like it any more than it is our choice to dislike it. When we care about someone, we do not have to enjoy the things that they enjoy in order to support their enjoyment of those things.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, as well as a founding member of the Severna Park and Baltimore Holistic Chamber of Commerce.
Street art photo taken by Robert Van Valkenburgh, artist unknown unless otherwise noted.
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How can we know what we are missing if we limit our experiences to only that which is familiar?
We are only given one opportunity to experience this life. This means that we only have one opportunity to experience ourselves within it. If we limit our experiences to only that which is familiar to us, we will never know who we truly are.
There is nothing wrong with developing tastes and preferences as we move through this world, discovering and deciding what we like or dislike. If, however, these tastes and preferences are based on too narrow a field of information, on too limited a set of experiences, we may never know who we truly are and if our likes and dislikes are truly our own.
This does not mean that we should be so promiscuous and whimsical that we never commit to anything. In order to truly experience life, we must go deep into ourselves and our experiences, as much as we must go wide. On the other hand, if our boundaries are based on fear and prejudice, our life and ourselves within it will be small indeed.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
Artwork by Ana, except where otherwise noted
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Taste is a process of paring down.
For the past twenty plus years, I have worked in and around coffee shops. I have held every position from barista to manager to espresso-machine technician. In all of that time, I have tried nearly every kind of coffee-drink combination a person can imagine. I tried different syrup, milk, and coffee combinations. For a while, it was fun. Eventually, however, the novelty wore off. I got bored and none of the ‘fancy’ drinks I made for myself really tasted good anymore.
At this point, I decided to get back to basics and I began drinking plain espresso and brewed coffee. Strangely, once I limited my options in this way, I found that I was much more content and could actually begin exploring and enjoying the depth and variety of the actual coffee. I realized that I preferred simplicity and quality over variety and quantity. I just liked coffee. Even more specifically, I discovered exactly which coffee I enjoyed most and which I could do without.
As I reduced my options, my palate developed and my personal tastes began to reveal themselves. Coffee from every coffee-growing region all has a unique flavor profile. Whether it is from Latin America, Africa, Asia, or the Middle East, a coffee’s flavor, mouthfeel, and body are defined by how and where it is grown, how it is dried and roasted, and how it is brewed. None of this mattered when I drank a 20oz caramel soy-latte, but by choosing to not drink that (also delicious) drink or others like it, I discovered that it matters to me.
“As in budo, so in life. As in life, so in budo.”
-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
Meditations on God 