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Meditations on God

  • Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Of Ancestors and Angels: Happy Chinese New Year

    If we approach new ideas, experiences, and people with a mind open to similarities instead of closed to differences, we may find that there are more similarities than differences and that the differences actually add value to, instead of diminishing, our lives.

    When my wife, a Cambodian-Chinese-American, and I were first married, I resisted all of her families’ traditions, mostly out of fear that I would lose my identity if I conformed too much, too soon. This resistance and other such rebellious tendencies is something that has plagued my relationships throughout my entire adult life. For a while, Chinese New Year was no different, an opportunity for me to resist and express my unwanted, unkind opinion.

    I would watch her and her family go through elaborate rituals early in the morning, scurrying around, cooking, organizing, putting food and drinks out, lighting incense and candles, saying prayers, etc.

    They were doing all of this for their ancestors, it was explained to me. They laid out food and drinks for them. They lit incense and candles for them. They even prayed to and for their ancestors, inviting them in the home to bless it and them, wishing them peace and happiness in the afterlife. All the while, I would grouch around the house, scoffing. I am not proud of this, but it is what happened.

    One day, as she does, my wife got tired of my crap. She asked me a few questions in a calm, schoolteacher-like tone intended to get my attention, make me pause and reflect, and reconsider my position (or else).

    “Your grandparents, your dad’s parents, are gone, right? You loved them, didn’t you?” she asked.

    “You know they are and, yes I loved them very much,” I replied.

    She continued, “They loved you a lot as well, correct?”

    “They did,” I said.

    “They were very good people who tried to live right and who did the best they could for you, I know this,” she continued. “If there is a heaven, do you believe that’s where they are?”

    “If there is, yes I do,” I said.

    “So why wouldn’t you want to take some time to tell them you love them, to tell them about your life now and to thank them for making it possible? Why wouldn’t you want to take a moment to honor them, to give thanks, and to be grateful?”

    Stopped in my tracks, I just said, “Okay.”

    Since then, I have tried my best to embrace and find value and meaning in my wife’s cultural traditions. I have tried to look for the positive in them and to see them as an additive, not subtractive value in my life. I look for the good, for the lessons on how to be a better person.

    How could being more grateful, more family focused, and more gracious possibly make my life worse? The answer: It hasn’t.

    Happy Chinese New Year and thank you to all who have come before us, making our wonderful, bountiful life possible!

    – Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

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    February 5, 2019
    asian culture, cambodian, cambodian-chinese, chinese culture, chinese new year, open mind

  • If You Don’t Change, Your Situation Will

    If you are looking for an excuse to not show up, perhaps you are in the wrong line of work.

    There was a guy who worked at the coffee shop I used to manage who was there before I took over. He had some personal issues that I was sympathetic about, but the store needed to run and he was growing increasingly more unreliable.

    After being significantly late on multiple occasions, I talked to him about it, advised him of the company’s policy, reiterated why it was important that he be on time, and asked him If there was anything I could do to help him to be on time for his shifts.

    He acknowledged his tardiness, assured me that his behavior would change, and requested later shifts. I accommodated him and began scheduling him for the afternoon shifts, as opposed to the mornings he had been working. Still, he showed up late.

    His behavior forced me to begin documenting his tardiness to the point where he received several formal corrective action notifications. As we were discussing his final written warning, he asked me, “What is a good excuse for being late?” Taken aback, I paused and responded with a question of my own. “Are you asking me to tell you what to tell me next time you are late?”

    He was silent for a moment as he pondered the position we now both found ourselves in. “I see your point,” he said. Unfortunately, after a few days of arriving at his scheduled time, he was late again. He finished his shift, I brought him into my office, and we parted ways.

    I do not know if this is how he always was or if something happened and his work ethic changed. I do know that not everyone in this life will give you second or third chances, nor will many people actually try to help you change for the better. If changing yourself or your behavior is not worth the cost, be honest and accept the other changes that are coming your way.

    – Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

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    February 5, 2019
    change, leadership, managing priorities, promptness, scheduling, tardiness

  • Adrift with Amnesia (A Break From Training)

    After several years of doing martial arts as many days a week as I could, I stopped. I stopped for several reasons, not the least of which was that my teacher moved his school to the other side of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge and, without reliable transportation, it was increasingly difficult to get to class. I also stopped to pursue my education and, frankly, I needed a break. My teacher was larger than life and his presence was, at times, overwhelming. I was young and trying to figure out who I was. There was a part of me who needed to do that away from him. I loved him and respected him enough to tell him that I was taking a break and that I did not know how long I would be gone. The break lasted more than five years.

    It would be easy to feel regret about lost time, in both training and friendship, but those are not feelings I entertain, at least not with regards to this. It was necessary. The strange thing about those five plus years, however, is that I do not really remember who I was. I know what I did, who I was with, and the places I went, but I do not recognize the person who I was during that time. It is as if it was not me. It is as if I was sleepwalking, like I was living in a daydreamy haze and could not wake up. I was lost in the woods and am still trying to find my way back to the path I was on prior to that hiatus.

    Martial art training, for me, has always been more than simply a physical pastime. It added a sense of purpose to my life. It allowed me to dedicate myself to something outside of myself, something bigger than myself. My hiatus was almost entirely selfish and, while I did a lot of fun and interesting things, it lacked purpose and focus. It was all about me and something was missing. Walking into the dojang (Korean training hall) always had a re-centering effect for me and, with only one or two notable exceptions, I have never left training feeling worse than when I walked in the door. Taking that away from myself left me adrift on open seas with no paddle and no compass. At the end of my break, I was alone and confused, as if I had just woken up from a coma. When I walked back into the dojang, I felt at home, like I knew who I was again and where I was supposed to be.

    – Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

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    February 4, 2019
    dojang, hapkido, hiatus, Martial Arts

  • Leg-Locks are an Effective Violation of Trust

    There is an ongoing debate in submission grappling regarding the legitimacy and efficacy of leg-locks, including foot and ankle locks, as a method of submission. Leg-locks are certainly not my specialty, but whenever a certain technique or entire set of techniques is considered controversial, I begin to ask why. Unlike other submissions, leg-locks seem to be a major point of contention amongst submission grapplers, especially in the Brazilian jiu-jitsu (BJJ) community. There are many different reasons as to why this is the case, but I think that most, if not all of the explanations given skirt around the real issue which is never really discussed.

    At certain schools, leg-locks are considered advanced techniques, not to be taught until a person has developed a solid understanding of what are considered to be basic techniques. At these schools, there is a generally held belief that leg-locks are a sort of shortcut around the system of BJJ, a way to defeat opponents without learning the fundamental techniques and principles of the art. If a person learns leg-locks too early, these people claim, they will never learn how to properly pass the guard and are thereby short-changing themselves and their partners. Learning how to pass the guard to get to a dominant position is essential in a fight, whether in an MMA or a self-defense scenario, and learning leg-locks too early may hinder the student’s progress in this regard. If a person is training to win at submission grappling, not for self-defense or MMA, however, this argument has little validity for that particular student.

    At other schools, lower body attacks, especially the twisting locks like heel hooks, are seen as dangerous and more likely to cause injury than many of the more commonly taught upper body attacks, such as arm locks, shoulder locks, and strangles. This argument is a double-edged sword because one of the primary dangers of any technique is in not knowing how to defend against it or when to tap before injury occurs. The less the techniques are taught or trained, therefore, the more dangerous they are. Heel-hooks, the most commonly vilified of the leg-locking techniques, are considered dangerous because the twisting pressure they force on the knee is not painful until it has passed the point of injury. Again, this seems, to me at least, to be a better reason for exposing students to the technique in a controlled setting, so that they know how to protect themselves from it. Ignorance may be bliss, but it can also get you hurt.

    Even in competition there are disparities in the rulesets regarding leg-locks, with all or certain leg-locks being allowed or disallowed at different levels and with different regulations for competing in the gi vs in nogi, the jiu-jitsu gi being the traditional uniform worn in BJJ (a carryover from Japanese judo) competition. At some competitions, no leg-locks are allowed in kids’ divisions or within the low ranks of the adult divisions. At others, only specific leg locks are allowed at certain ranks. In many competitions, the positioning of the legs during leg attacks is regulated in an attempt to create a safe environment for all competitors, but this is also taken advantage of by a few people, forcing themselves into the receiving end of these illegal leg entanglements so that their competitors are disqualified. More leg-locks tend to be allowed in nogi competitions than in gi competitions, but I have yet to hear a logical argument for this that is worth repeating.

    Finally, there are the schools that specialize in leg-locks, schools that have either embraced this aspect of grappling as it becomes more popular or who have helped to revolutionize and normalize the leg lock game through success in competition. It appears that these leg-lock focused schools have hacked the submission grappling system of take-down, guard pass, secure dominant position, and submit, by bypassing it altogether and attacking the legs. These seemingly elite, specialized schools have brought leg locks to the forefront of submission grappling to the point where a school not teaching leg locks is not keeping up, especially in the competition circuit. It should be noted, however, that the coach of the most famous and successful of all leg-locking schools, Renzo Gracie black belt John Danaher of the infamous ‘Danaher Death Squad,’ has stated that all of his athletes are required to have learned and mastered the basics, the fundamentals of Brazilian jiu-jitsu before moving on to the more specialized techniques.

    Leg locks win competitions. Why then, if leg locks have proven as effective in the sport time and time again, are they still frowned upon inside certain schools and by certain people? For better or worse, right or wrong, there is an implicit agreement, unwritten and unspoken, between two grapplers that each one will try to defeat the other with more dominant and more strategically placed forward pressure, angles, and leverage until these forces are too great or too masterfully applied and a submission is the inevitable result. Mutually agreed upon forward pressure results in a face-to-face engagement wherein both competitors must battle each other head-on until one wins the battle of angle, leverage, or timing and the other can no longer successfully defend. Leg locks violate this agreement by bypassing the fight altogether. They allow a person to avoid the forward pressure battle and to win by moving away from the fight instead of into and around it which is, incidentally, one of the reasons why leg-locks can level the playing field for smaller grapplers competing against larger, stronger opponents. For many people, this bypassing the system feels like cheating and like a violation of trust. That is why leg locks are often so unpopular, except with leg-lockers. Even if I do not particularly want to focus on them, I am happy to train with people who do.

    – Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

    39.073857 -76.547111

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    February 3, 2019
    bjj, brazilian jiu-jitsu, gracie jiu-jitsu, heel hooks, leg locks, Martial Arts, submission grappling

  • Busy is an Excuse to Not Make a Choice

    “If we use busy as an excuse for not doing something, what we are really, really saying is that it’s not a priority. It’s not as important to us.” -Debbie Millman

    More and more, we find ourselves saying how busy we are or that we are too busy for certain things or certain people. While it is true that most of the hours of our day are filled with tasks, I am not sure that ‘busy’ is the best way to describe the situation we find ourselves in. On any given day, there are more things to do than there are hours to do them. Our to-do lists grows ever longer, not shorter. We claim to be busy because we have no direction because busy and focused are not the same thing.

    As much as we scurry to accomplish all that we must, there is something about saying that we are busy that feels dismissive and self-important. Busy is a way of telling people that we do not even have time to explain to them what is going on in our lives because they would not understand. It is a way of saying that aimless motion is more important than the people around us and this is fair to no one involved.

    If we are too busy to give attention to those who are right in front of us, if we are too distracted by all that we have on our imaginary plates to be present, if our relationships become shallow and strained because we are spread too thin, and if we take on so much that we become ineffective at everything we are doing, something has got to give. Our health, our relationships, and even the tasks themselves that we have dedicated ourselves to so fervently will suffer and we will suffer in turn. ‘Busy’ is just a way of describing an inability to prioritize and focus on what is important, a way of excusing ourselves from choosing what matters by saying no to that which does not.

    – Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

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    February 2, 2019
    busy, choice, choosing, presence, priorities, prioritizing

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