The world will break your heart.
It will get your hopes up and it will let you down.
Even the most well-meaning people will disappoint you.
And you will do the same to them.
No one is exempt from shortcomings or imperfection.
Your reliance must be upon something more permanent than human power.
YOUR RELIANCE
By Robert Van Valkenburgh
Meditations of a Gentle Warrior
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There is no use in beating ourselves up for our flaws and shortcomings.
Being forced to live with them and with the knowledge of them is punishment enough, especially considering the fact that, much of the time, they are beyond our control anyway.
Certain things about who we are, certain characteristics, behaviors, and thought processes simply are what they are.
Perhaps they were born into us or maybe our life’s circumstances made us the way we are, but much of what makes us who we are was not consciously chosen by us.
Of course, we will want to change, we will want to improve, and we will want to outgrow our flaws and shortcomings, but this is a slow, difficult process and we must be patient with ourselves along the way.
We did not become who we are overnight.
Likewise, we will we not transcend who we have become overnight either.
Being overly hard on ourselves for slow progress or setbacks does not move us forward.
All we can do is our best.
Some days, however, our best will not be good enough.
Even when we give our all, we will sometimes come up short.
There is nothing else we can do.
We cannot go back in time.
We cannot start over.
What is done is done.
We must learn to make peace with our failings, our shortcomings, and our limitations.
They are part of who we are.
They are our burden to bear.
We must not waste this opportunity for improvement by wallowing in our failures.
We all deserve to be loved, to be seen, and to be heard, maybe not for who we are, but for who we could be if given the opportunity.
We are all imperfect beings. We are flawed, frail, weak, and broken in some way or another. Beyond or beneath these shortcomings and failings, even in spite of them, is something perfect, something special, and something divine.
It is this essence of potential that we should be looking for in others. It is this possibility of being that, whenever possible, we should see, hear, nurture, and trust. Looking past someone’s weakness, mistakes, and failures, to see depth, complexity, and light, that is true generosity.
This requires us taking the longview and it requires us being patient, forgiving, and compassionate, even when it is inconvenient to do so, especially when it is inconvenient to do so. The ability to be generous, gracious, and kind to and for the potential of others is the essence of what it means to love. Loving in this way is often difficult, but it is our only hope for finding depth and fulfillment.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, as well as a founding member of the Severna Park and Baltimore Holistic Chamber of Commerce.
Street art photo taken by Robert Van Valkenburgh, artist unknown unless otherwise noted.
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