No one tries to fold a blanket from the middle first.
We start with the edges and the corners.
Why, then, do we think we can find what we are looking for in our lives, our careers, and our relationships by starting in the middle, by trying to please everyone, and by doing what is or what will be popular?
The middle is not where change starts.
Change starts at the edges and the corners.
The middle is not interesting.
The middle has no character, no definition, and does not tell us anything about who we are and the change we are trying to make.
The edges and the corners are what give us our shape.
They give us our character and our definition.
If we want to make change in our lives and in the lives of those around us, we must first try to find the edges and the corners of ourselves.
We must focus on these edges and corners.
We have to learn to accept, embrace, and accentuate them.
Over time, maybe, just maybe, others with similar edges and corners will see what we are trying to do and will say, “Yes. I am like that too. I have similar edges and corners. Thank you for showing me yours.”
We cannot live a meaningful life while also expecting everyone to like us.
It simply will not happen.
If we are attempting to be ourselves, to fulfill our potential, and to live a life in accordance with our truth, someone, somewhere will look down on us. Someone, somewhere will have something bad to say about us.
It is impossible to figure out who we are and who we are meant to be by conforming to the expectations, limitations, and insecurities of the people, community, and culture around us.
We have to be bold. We have to be brave. We have to live out loud, in the open, and in the light.
But, we must be aware of the fact that standing in the light makes us vulnerable.
The light shines on the good and the bad in us.
It shines on our strengths and our weaknesses.
It highlights all that makes us unique, especially our flaws our failings.
We cannot step out into the light without being criticized and without being judged.
Judgement is inevitable.
We can either choose to face it, embrace it, and to transcend our fear of it, or we will succumb to it, shrink away from it, and hide because of it.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Many of our relationships, whether we like it or not, place restrictions on us that prevent us from being ourselves.
Whether for occupational, familial, or political reasons, we cannot fully open up to everyone, in every way, in every circumstance. If we do, not only will we jeopardize the relationships themselves, but also our reputations and our ability to be effective within those relationships.
If we want to be useful in our relationships, we must have boundaries within them. We must establish which parts of ourselves are appropriate, necessary, and helpful for the circumstance and the company we find ourselves in.
Our employers require different facets of who we are than our spouses do, and our spouses require different parts of who we are than our children or our parents, siblings, or friends do. This is not a matter of inauthenticity, but of appropriateness, courtesy, and respect with regards to ourselves and the actual relationships.
Not everyone should get every part of us. Some aspects of who we are must be held in reserve for those with whom we are closest. Our goal should be to be whichever version of ourself the relationship most needs without sacrificing our integrity in the process.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Meditations on God 