Tag: parenthood

The Last Moment Like This
When your children get on your nerves, before you react, pause, take a breath, and try to imagine it is the last time they will ever do so.

When they talk too much or talk back to you…

When they nag or hassle you…

When they fight with you or with each other…

When they ask for or demand too much…

When they do not do what they are told or do the exact opposite of what you asked them to do…

When they break, lose, or do not appreciate what they have…

When they ask for your attention, support, or forgiveness…

When they want a hug, a song, or just a few more minutes of your time…

When they call you, visit you, or ask to spend the day with you…

Before you react, pause, take a breath, and try to imagine it is the last time they will ever do so.

Every moment is precious; they are fleeting and you will not get them back.

Pause, take a breath, and try to imagine that this is the last moment like this, because it is.
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June 26, 2023

childhood, children, parenthood, parenting, relationships, time
Family Values
Raise your children to value people over things.

Teach them to pursue experiences not possessions.

Show them that time is more valuable than money.

Lead by example.

They are watching.

They are listening.

They understand more than you know.

Help them to learn from your mistakes so they do not make the same ones.

Life is short and it only gets shorter.

Make every moment matter.
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May 24, 2023

children, experiences, family, parenthood, parenting, people, priorities, relationships, values
The Lessons Of Youth
One of the most powerful and long-lasting lessons of my childhood came from being required to do chores around the house before being allowed to go outside to play with my friends.

As parents, we want the best for our children. We want them to be kind, decent, and successful. And, we want to provide them with the support, the lessons, and the values that will give them the best chance to be these things.

This is no easy task, however. It requires not only time, energy, and presence, but also a great deal of persistence, insistence, and patience with regards to things that they do not yet understand as being good for them or the family as a whole.

It is difficult to know, of all of the knowledge, morals, and skills that we try to instill in our children as they grow up, which will actually take hold, which will make a difference in their character and their lives, and which are worth the effort and the struggle it often takes to make even a little bit of noticeable progress.

The truth is that everything is a lesson. Every moment is a teachable moment. Every task, every activity, and every interaction is an exchange of information. Whether we know it or not, whether we acknowledge it or not, and whether we like it or not, every gesture, attitude, and behavior is being observed, absorbed, and processed. It all means something and it all counts.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.

Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

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June 24, 2020

childhood, children, education, learning, life lessons, morality, morals, parent, parenthood, parenting, teaching, values
Loving Action (Father’s Day)
Being around is not the same as being present.

Love, if it is not some hollow sentiment, is inextricably tied to duty.

Love is a promise that requires action in order to be demonstrated, proven, and fulfilled.

Love’s claim is a debt owed. It is a pledge of time, both in quantity and quality. It is the assurance of presence, attention, and engagement regardless of, or even in spite of, inconvenience.

To say that we love another person is to imply that we are doing something to love them. They do not have to notice it. They do not have to reciprocate. They are not the ones making the claim. We are.

If our love is more than just a feeling or a word, we must behave in a way that is loving.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.

Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

If you found this post helpful or meaningful in some way, please feel free to Share, Comment, and Subscribe below.
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June 21, 2020

affection, attention, attentiveness, childhood, children, debt, duty, family, father’s day, life, love, parenthood, parenting, presence, promise
Who Will You Be (When the Curtain Falls)?
Knowing who you want to be is more important than knowing what you want to be.

Fatherhood is a challenge, not in the sense that it is challenging, as in difficult. That is a given. All work that matters is difficult. More so and more importantly, it is a challenge to who we think we are, who we actually are, and who we want to be as men.

For example, my daughter still thinks I am a great singer, a good guitar player, and a skilled martial artist. The truth is that I can barely hold a tune, my guitar playing abilitiy is sub-novice level, and I am merely a serious beginner when it comes to martial arts. Some day, she will figure all of this out.

The question is, when she does, when the curtain falls and she sees that her father is merely a man, simply another flawed human, fumbling to do his best, what kind of man will she see beyond the illusion of youth? Will she see a man who is scared and hiding? Will she see a man who is selfish and dishonest? Or will she see a man who, in spite of all of his flaws and fragility, is trying his best to be present, authentic, and generous?

“As in life, so too it is in budo. As in budo, so too it is in life.”

-Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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June 16, 2019

authenticity, budo, family, father, father’s day, fatherhood, generosity, honesty, life, parenthood

Tag: parenthood

The Last Moment Like This

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Family Values

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The Lessons Of Youth

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Loving Action (Father’s Day)

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Who Will You Be (When the Curtain Falls)?

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