We can have carefully planned what we are going to do or say.
We may have even consulted with others to be certain that we are going about things in the correct way.
But, without compassion in our thoughts, words, and deeds, we are bound to mess things up.
It does not matter what we do or say if we do not do or say it with compassion.
Compassion softens our approach.
If we want to be effective communicators, leaders, or teachers, our efforts must be rooted in the desire and ability to understand where others are coming from, to put ourselves in their place, and to approach them from a place of empathy, graciousness, and kindness.
Otherwise, we may very well say or do exactly the right thing, but, instead of creating harmony through our efforts, we create dissonance.
We need only to do what we are told in order to get ahead.
Conformity is easy, that is, up until the moment that we realize that conformity is also a competition.
Once we come to this realization, we quickly begin to understand that we are in trouble.
We are in trouble if we lose because we are easily replaced by others who are better at conforming than we are.
We are in even more trouble if we win, however.
Why?
The only way to win the conformity competition is to have fewer opinions, to have fewer ideas, and to have less of an identity than our fellow competitors.
Winning at the conformity competition means losing ourselves, our hopes, and our dreams.
But, the fact that we had these to begin with means we are at a disadvantage.
Others who did not are already ahead of us and it will probably be easier for them the whole way through.
So what are we to do?
Do we try to win at a competition that requires us to lose who we are?
Or, do we lose what we have by being beat out by others who are willing to sacrifice more than we are in order to race to the bottom?
Neither of these options seems ideal.
Perhaps we feel like we need something else, something different, or something better, but no one is going to give it to us, at least not unless we are willing to play the conformity game to get it.
We cannot be all things to all people and still be effective.
We all want this world to be a better place for ourselves, our families, and our loved ones.
We want the future to be better than the past.
We want to leave this life knowing that it is better for us having been here.
If we are sincere about these desires, we want to be helpful.
We want to be of service where, when, how, and to whom we can.
But, part of maturing as a human is acknowledging, understanding, and embracing our limitations.
Each and every one of us has limited resources with which we can effect change and we must choose wisely how we use those resources because some of them, especially our time and our attention, are non-renewable.
Once given away, we do not get them back.
We must, therefore, determine for ourselves, often through trial and error, though many attempts and many failures, where the limits of our efficacy, the boundaries of our responsibility, and the edges of our obligation lie.
We have to learn to respect and accept the fact that a lot of people in this world need help, but not they do not all necessarily need our help.
There are many, many problems in this life that need to be solved, but they do not necessarily need to be solved by us.
From day to day, there is an endless number of tasks that need to be completed, but they need not all be completed by us.
As difficult as it is to remember with our modern-day, globalized consciousness, effective, positive change begins at home, however we may define that for ourselves.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Discouragement may be motivation enough to do great work, but it still hurts.
Sharing is an inherently vulnerable act. It opens us up to criticism, disappointment, and discouragement. When we are passionate about an idea, a project, or a goal and we share our excitement with someone else, what are are telling that person is that we trust them.
We are opening up to them, putting the fate of our hope and our joy in their hands, and asking them to care for our dreams the way that we do, or at least to not diminish them, dismiss them, or destroy them.
If our sharing is met with apathy, disdain, or, even worse, mockery, it hurts and it challenges our sincerity. It forces us to question ourselves, our ideas, and our dedication, and it leaves us with a difficult choice to make.
Many great ideas have been given up on because they were met with negativity, but many have also been brought to life in spite of it, or perhaps even because of it.
We should keep this in mind when someone shares an idea, a project, or a goal with us. We should acknowledge the courage and the trust that it took for them to do so and we should be honored that we were considered worthy recipients.
Even if we do not see the value in what is shared, if we value the person who is doing the sharing, it is worth considering that it is their character and intention that needs acknowledgement, support, and reciprocated trust, not necessarily the specific idea, project, or goal.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
It takes a lot of planning and preparation for things to be easy.
There is a lot of effort and hard work that goes into things running smoothly. It does not just happen on its own. We need to plan, prepare, and set up the conditions for things to go well.
Things still may not go the way we want. We cannot plan for every contingency and every possible variable. We can, however, try to do so.
We can educate and train ourselves and our teams. We can communicate clearly and consistently. We can evaluate and mitigate whatever potential risks may exist to the best of our ability.
We can work harder, prepare more, and be more disciplined than is perceived as necessary so that, when it matters, even if something changes or even goes terribly wrong, it is neither surprising nor derailing because something going wrong was part of our plan from the beginning.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Meditations on God 