Meditations on God

Depth in Limitations (To Know a Place)
One of the most positive and life-changing decisions I made in my early 20s was to let go of my car and to move to downtown Annapolis where I rented a room in a rooming house. A friend of mine lived there and had for quite a while. The woman who owned the house rented it out week by week with no lease so that, if she decided she did not like you, she could ask you to leave with a few day’s notice. She lived on the main floor with her cats and rented out the rooms in the upper two floors. Mine was a small room with no air conditioning and my possessions totaled a dresser’s worth of clothes, a box of books, a Sony walkman, and a few cassettes.

I worked at the coffee shop around the corner and, if I wanted to get anywhere, I either walked, took the bus, or got a ride with someone. Most often, however, I walked. The whole point of living downtown was to live downtown, after all. I took public transportation mainly to get to the mall to see a movie or to go to the hapkido dojang (Korean martial art training hall). Occasionally, I would ask someone for a ride somewhere further or I would borrow a friend’s car to go visit my mom. Most of my time was spent at coffee shops or sitting by the docks listening to music and writing poetry, something I have not even thought about in years.

The really special thing I found by limiting my options like this was that it truly allowed me to know a place and myself in relation to that place. I got to know every street, alley, and sidewalk downtown. There are hidden gardens and mini public parks down small streets where cars cannot go. I met amazing people and had even better conversations or peaceful moments of silence with them. I found my passion and my voice at an open mic night that I helped to start and I found my solitude in the corner of a coffee shop with a cup of hot coffee and a good book. On a shoestring budget, I ate wonderful food and learned how to savor every bite. I wandered the streets in the daytime with newly made acquaintances and alone at night in the light of the moon. All of this was mine for a few hundred dollars a month and forty hours a week making lattes.

The abundance in our lives has made it so that, at a moment’s notice, we can go anywhere we want, with whom we want, and and we can do whatever we want to while we are there. We do not really need to make the most of our resources or our relationships because our options are seemingly limitless. Modern convenience offers us a wide breadth of choices, but our experiences often lack depth and meaning. Having limited resources or options, whether intentionally or unintentionally, forces us to be creative and it also forces us to get to know who we are, where we are, and who we are with. Limitations are the path to self discovery and transcendence.

– Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

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January 22, 2019

annapolis, coffee shop, hapkido, poetry
Overcoming (The Great) Depression in a Multi-Generational Household
My maternal grandfather was a young boy during The Great Depression. Many of his extended family members, uncles and aunts, were out of work for long periods of time during this historic economic downturn. My grandfather’s father, however, was fortunate enough to maintain a good, steady job with the phone company throughout. Growing up, my grandfather’s home became a place for family to stay when they were out of work and had nowhere to go. Between his parents, his brother, and various aunts, uncles, and cousins, their house was always full.

When my grandfather tells me this story, he always goes on to say that his peers, even later in life, would comment that this situation must have been difficult to grow up in. Having so many personalities around and so many mouths to feed must not have been easy. “I don’t know if it was difficult or not,” he says, “because it was all I knew. That’s just the way it was. One thing I know for sure, though, is that there was not a moment that went by when I did not know that I was loved by somebody.”

About two years after my wife and I got married, we helped her sister sponsor their parents to come here from Cambodia. Since I was the primary earner, their parents had to live in our home when they came here because the immigration department wanted to be sure that they would be cared for without having to rely on government services for support. For years after they moved here, people would always comment to me, “Oh, that must be so difficult” or “you are a good man for doing that.” “Not really,” I would say. “I did not have to help to bring them to The United States nor did I have to honor my agreement that they would stay in our home, but I wanted to.” Now we have a young daughter and we all still live together. Between myself, my wife, my sister-in-law, and my wife’s parents, my daughter does not appear to wonder for a moment whether or not she is loved by somebody.

– Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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January 21, 2019

depression, family, grandparents, multi-generational household, the great depression
Same Nerd Different Decade
In middle school, my friends and I were what some people would call nerds. We were into comic books, role-playing games, and action figures. I still look back fondly on the time we spent playing together as some of the greatest years of my life. We all had different musical tastes, but several of my friends and I developed an ear for heavy metal, specifically bands like Metallica and Suicidal Tendencies to name a few. Collectively, we owned every album (on cassette tape) we could get our hands on of these bands and we shared them all with each other, as well as any new music we came across. We skateboarded, rode bikes, and got into trouble together. We stayed at each other’s homes every single weekend and knew each other’s families. We were inseparable. Then, we got to high school and one of my friends joined the football team.

Even though none of us were really into football or other sports, we were happy for him because it meant a lot to him. His older brothers were both football players and he was proud to be following in their footsteps. We began seeing less and less of him as the season went on and then, one day, he approached us in the hallway of our school. He told us that he could not hang out with us anymore because we were not cool. He explained that his friends on the football team told him that we were childish losers and that he needed to cut ties with us to be on the team with them. He could no longer associate with kids who played Dungeons and Dragons, played with toys, and listened to heavy metal.

We went from being best friends to being total strangers. It was something I had never experienced before and it hurt all of us quite a bit. In fact, a fistfight between this friend and another ensued at one point and these two former best friends said some things to each other that are not easily taken back. I had grown accustomed to rejection and renouncement, but never from a friend before. The funny thing is that, through all of this, it never occured to me that the role-playing games, the toys, or the music were the cause of our falling out. It was much deeper, or actually much more superficial than that.

I am not resentful toward this former friend. In fact, if given the opportunity, I would gladly take him out for coffee or lunch. In a sense, I am grateful because it made me evaluate my values and I concluded that I would rather be myself with my friends than to be someone else just to play football. My tastes have not really changed much over the years, but my palate has expanded. I am still the same nerd and I still keep in touch with many of my old friends who are too. What I see in myself and in them is that those of us who have embraced this in ourselves have found a way to actually capitalize on it, like a super power.

– Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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January 20, 2019

action figures, geek, Martial Arts, music, nerd, role-playing games
Submission Grappling and the Negotiation of Pain
Recently, I was talking to a Brazilian jiu-jitsu (BJJ) black belt and I asked him what he loved about BJJ. His response was that it allowed people to train safely at 100% intensity. This is only partially true, however. Grappling for position and control can be done at high intensities with a great degree of safety, but the submission itself must be applied gradually so that the recipient has the opportunity to submit. With adrenaline pumping and hearts beating heavily, control can take a backseat to the desire to win and, in the midst of sparring or rolling, this distinction can blur. It takes a great deal of mental clarity to be able to fight for a dominant position against someone trying to do the same to you, but to then put the brakes on to attack a joint or apply a choke at a speed that is non-injurious.

When you get struck by a punch or a kick, there is no way to stop it before it hurts. Of course, there are blocks, parries, and slips that one can do to minimize impact. One can also use pads, headgear, and gloves to make strikes softer, but a strike’s only real function is pain through concussive force. The same goes for throwing. When a person falls, no matter how gracefully he or she rolls or slaps out, the ground hits back. Throwing a person to the ground is essentially hitting that person with the earth and, even though one can minimize the force of impact from a throw, the impact itself is non-negotiable. In submission grappling, however, pain is negotiable, not inevitable.

In submission grappling, tapping, or submitting, gives the recipient of a technique control over whether or not that technique is painful or injurious. Conversely, not tapping gives one’s partner implied consent to continue with a given attack or series of attacks under the assumption that he or she is not hurting his or her partner. This relationship hinges entirely on trust. Both parties have entered into an agreement that neither will perform a technique so fast or with so much force that the other person can not tap. Every submission attempt should be performed with enough control and at such a speed that it actually allows space for the submission or the tap to happen. Accidents aside, this makes submission grappling, so long as all parties involved honor the agreement, as inherently safe as any martial training can be. It allows us to practice maiming and killing techniques over and over again with the same people and still go to work the next day unharmed.

– Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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January 19, 2019

bjj, brazilian jiu-jitsu, gracie jiu-jitsu, Martial Arts, submission grappling
Finding the Martial Art That Best Addresses Your Personal Goals
Originally published in Severna Park Voice, January 2019

For those interested in martial arts in our modern age, the sheer volume of information and options can be overwhelming. Many people will default to that which is close, convenient, or shows up at the top of a Google search. If we think about martial arts as essential life-skill training instead of simply a hobby, more akin to swimming or driving than soccer or stamp collecting (not that there is anything wrong with either of these activities), then we begin to understand that choosing the right martial art or martial art school matters quite a bit, especially when it comes to our personal or family safety. Choosing the right martial art or martial art school should begin with defining one’s goals.

Martial arts can be divided into four main categories of interest. There are martial arts that specialize in self-defense, those that focus on the sporting side of martial arts, traditional or classical martial arts, and those that specialize in addressing predatory violence. Self-defense based martial arts tend to be those that teach an individual how to successfully protect him or herself in the most commonly experienced social violence scenarios, like bullying, street fights, and other such altercations. Sport martial arts teach practitioners the skills and fitness levels that will best enable them to win in specialized competition events. Traditional or classical martial arts are those that have histories dating back before modern times and tend to require an interest in both the historical as well as the physical aspects of martial arts. Martial arts that address predatory violence are much more specialized, teaching techniques and strategies for recognizing, avoiding, and surviving the darkest side of human violence, such as assault, rape, kidnapping, etc. and tend to deal more in small workshops or seminars than ongoing classes like the other three types of martial arts.

By first defining one’s concerns and goals, one is better able to discern which martial art is best for addressing those concerns. Determine first what you hope to get out of martial art training for yourself or your loved ones. Research the different martial arts available in your area and choose the discipline that best suits your interests and goals. Then, seek out the school that offers the martial art or martial arts you are interested in. Many martial arts schools offer multiple programs for individuals with multiple interests or for families who may have a diverse set of interests amongst the members. Do not compromise or settle on a martial art school because of price or proximity if your interest is more than just finding a casual extracurricular activity because not all martial arts, martial art schools, or martial art instructors are created equal. Finally, find the art, school, and teacher or teachers that feel right. Take your time and trust your instincts.

– Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
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January 18, 2019

bjj, brazilian jiu-jitsu, fitness, gracie jiu-jitsu, japanese martial arts, kogen dojo, Martial Arts, muay thai, predatory violence, self defense, social violence, taikyoku budo

Depth in Limitations (To Know a Place)

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Overcoming (The Great) Depression in a Multi-Generational Household

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Same Nerd Different Decade

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Submission Grappling and the Negotiation of Pain

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Finding the Martial Art That Best Addresses Your Personal Goals

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