Meditations on God

Parenting is Difficult
Parenting is difficult and that is why children don’t do it.

It is difficult to wake children up when they want to sleep. It is difficult to get them out of bed, to get them to brush their teeth, to get them to bathe, and get dressed when they would rather not. It is difficult to make them eat food that is good for them instead of the food that they would rather eat.

It is difficult to get their bags packed, to get them out of the door on time, and to get them to go to activities that are for their betterment. It is difficult to keep them going, to follow through on the commitment, and to not quit when they want to quit. It is difficult to help them with all of the things they need help with in order to do all of the things that they need to do to become the best people they can be.

It is difficult to teach them to clean up after themselves, every time, and to not do it for them because it is faster. It is difficult to teach them patience and manners and kindness and generosity. It is difficult to avoid the temptations of distraction, bribery, and acquiescence.

It is difficult to do what is best and not what is easiest. It is difficult to constantly choose self-sacrifice over selfishness. It is difficult to be a parent and that it why it is our responsibility, not theirs.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Artwork by Ana, except where otherwise noted

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November 16, 2019

children, kids, parenting, parents, raising children
Improving Upon What Is
Success in any endeavor begins with first setting aside what we wish to be and accepting what is.

A major part of being human is wanting things to be better than they are. This drive for personal, relational, and environmental improvement is in our DNA. It is impossible to change things for the better, however, without first starting with a solid foundation in and acceptance of what is.

By being closed off on our approach into any situation, we are armed only with what we bring to the table and are unable to take in new, perhaps crucial, information. By being open to what is, to what the situation is and has to offer, we allow ourselves the opportunity to take in new knowledge and perspectives.

If we try truly want to make our personal, relational, or environmental circumstances better, we must begin with a relationship with that which we wish to improve. It is impossible to have a relationship with only one perspective. Even if what is is undesirable, our ability to see it clearly and therefore to improve it effectively begins by having clarity of perspective and clarity of perspective begins with openness and flexibility.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Artwork by Ana, except where otherwise noted

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November 15, 2019

acceptance, improvment, open mindedness, openness, perspective, reality, what is
Silence and Integrity
We do not have to be rude to be authentic.

If we have any kind of point of view, lots of people will say and do things that are in conflict with our opinions and beliefs. That is simply part of life. If we feel the need to react to every incidence of disagreement with our perspective and values, we are giving others the ability to control our emotions.

Having integrity means having boundaries which means having self control. Allowing the beliefs and behaviors of others to dictate our own is the opposite of this. Sometimes saying nothing is more powerful, at least in terms of our own integrity, than saying something.

Of course, this does not mean that we should be ‘fake’ or that we should agree with our detractors simply to avoid conflict. It simply means that seeking out conflict for conflict’s sake, contrary to how we may feel, actually weakens our position and authority.

Displaying inauthentic courtesy to people who do not deserve it is not the same as simply not being disrespectful. The former is a lie. The latter is self control.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Artwork by Ana, except where otherwise noted

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November 14, 2019

authenticity, boundaries, courtesy, etiquette, integrity, kindness, silence
The Lens of Past Pain
The past is important for the lessons it teaches us, but, when we look at the present through the past’s lens alone, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to experience the future in a new way.

It is easy to look at what is happening to us and around us as a new iteration of something we have experienced before and to see the person or persons in front of us as a more recent manifestation someone from our past.

If we look at everyone or everything as merely shadows of an archetype, we do not give them the opportunity to be different than our expectations. Nor do we give ourselves the opportunity to experience our future differently than we did our past.

Perhaps we think that by associating what is happening now with what has happened before we can avoid new pain. On the contrary, this type of fear based outlook on life all but guarantees that we will relive our past over and over again, putting us in a perpetual cycle of fight or flight against our personal ghosts and demons.

Recognizing patters in our lives and in ourselves is important for our personal growth, but these patterns are ours alone to transcend. We cannot transpose them onto others. We must give others and ourselves the benefit of the doubt so that we can have a future that is not built of our past pain and the fear it has created in us.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Artwork by Ana, except where otherwise noted

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November 13, 2019

filter, pain, past, possibility, present
The Potential of the Present
Nostalgia is a lie we tell ourselves about how great things once were, to excuse us from making things better than they are.

We cannot relive the past because the people, places, and experiences we remember no longer exist in the way that we remember them and can never exist in that way again. Of course, we should cherish our fond memories, for they have shaped who we are today. More importantly, however, we should focus our attention to creating new memories, not on trying to relive old ones.

Nothing is the same as we remember it. We are not even the same people who are doing the remembering. For this reason, nostalgia is more of a wishful fantasy than a fact.

The past leaves an imprint on our souls, but it is only some small part of who we are. We are different because of it and everything or everyone we come into contact with is different because of us, but there is more to life than this. There is more potential in a single moment of the present than there is in all of the past combined.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Artwork by Ana, except where otherwise noted

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November 12, 2019

fantasy, memories, nostalgia, past, possibility, potential, present

Parenting is Difficult

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Improving Upon What Is

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Silence and Integrity

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The Lens of Past Pain

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The Potential of the Present

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