Some of us are not capable of pretending.
We do not know how to show interest when we are uninterested.
We do not know how to pay attention when we are distracted.
We do not know how to appear enthralled when we are bored.
We do not know how to seem pleased when we are not.
We cannot say what we do not mean.
We also find it very difficult to restrain ourselves when we feel that something needs to be said.
From the outside, this may all appear very selfish and often quite cold or unkind.
If it were intentional, that may be true.
It really is not intentional, however.
Nor is it meant to be cruel.
It is just that our minds wander.
We lose focus very easily when something else has our interest or attention.
We are not unfocused, however.
In fact, we are hyper-focused.
It is just that our focus is on something others may not see or understand.
And, we cannot unfocus on whatever that is until we find some kind of resolution.
That is also why we tend to come off as overly direct and even abrasive.
We need to get our thoughts out so that we can be relieved of them.
This all may look to others like we do not care about them.
But, the truth is that we care a lot.
We care too much, actually.
We care so much about everything that it overwhelms us.
We are so overtaken by our caring that sometimes it is all that we can do.
Take this piece for example.
It was written because it had to come out.
There was no other reason.
It felt as if it needed to be said.
That is all.
Meditations on God 