Unexpected and undesirable things are going to arise in spite of your best laid plans.
While you cannot control everything that happens or does not happen, you can make the most of whatever comes your way.
It starts with a decision.
You can either decide that life is out to get you and that you are a victim of your circumstances or you can decide that life is happening for you and that your circumstances are an opportunity for growth and learning.
Neither of these attitudes changes what life throws at you, but one certainty will make life a lot more enjoyable.
The truth is that everyone struggles.
Everyone experiences hardship, tragedy, disappointment, and loss.
The people who thrive in spite of life’s challenges are those who decide to do so.
Not only does it not get us what we want, but it actually helps to ensure that we never get it.
It keeps us alone and unhappy, feeling sorry for ourselves for being alone and unhappy.
Regardless of what we have been through or what we are currently going through, feeling sorry for ourselves for our troubles, our difficulties, and our suffering does nothing to change things for the better.
It does nothing to change us for the better.
In fact, self-pity tends to make things worse.
It makes it difficult to see the good in life, to see the upside, and the possibility.
And, it makes us difficult to be around.
Self-pity is like a vacuum that pulls all of the hope and happiness out of us and those around us.
Not only that, it offers no solution to whatever problem or problems we believe ourselves to have.
There is no aspect of self-pity that can improve our situation or our relationships.
Even if we are justified by all possible measures to feel sorry for ourselves and to expect others to feel sorry for us as well, it does absolutely no good to do so.
It is important for us to understand this fact, to accept it, to embrace it, and even to celebrate it by doing its opposite.
We are better than our negative emotions and the best way to demonstrate this is through positive action.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
In order for us to experience the best that life has to offer, we will also be vulnerable to the worst.
Vulnerability is a two-edged sword.
On one side, vulnerability makes it possible for us to feel and experience everything, to let it in, and to allow it to affect us, shape us, and change us.
On the other side, some of these feelings and experiences will not be pleasant.
There is simply no way around this.
We cannot have all of the good without some of the bad.
We cannot have all love, joy, and celebration without also being open to pain, heartache, and sadness.
Vulnerability allows to to connect our innermost selves with the world around us, with the people, the emotions, and the experiences.
Inevitably, some of these connections will hurt.
Disconnection is not the solution, however.
Shutting down, closing ourselves off, and hiding our vulnerable hearts will neither mend them nor protect them.
The only antidote to pain, heartache, and sadness is more love, more joy, and more celebration.
The former will find us, but the latter must be sought out.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
We may try to ignore it, deny it, or run from it, but it will always find us in one way or another.
Joy, on the other hand, is guaranteed to no one.
It must be sought out.
The challenge we face is that with seeking comes the inherent risk of failure and, with failure comes suffering.
When we look for something, we may not find it.
When we reach for something, we may not grasp it.
When we cling to something, we may not keep it.
When we aspire to something, we may not become it.
When we attempt something, we may not succeed at it.
When we ask for something, we may be denied it.
None of this feels good.
Worse still, is that, all too often, we also experience suffering when we get exactly what we thought we wanted.
We suffer when we discover that it is not enough, that it did not alleviate our pain, satisfy our craving, or diminish our longing.
This is the paradox of joy.
We cannot experience joy if we do not seek it, but it cannot be found in that which is sought.
Joy does not exist in the outcome, but in the process of seeking itself, in the way we approach it, in the way move through it, and in who we become and what we experience because of it.
It is the process we must embrace, suffering and all.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Meditations on God 