Tag: friends

• Intoxicating Anger

  The problem with self-righteous anger is that it feels good. 

  When you are in its grips, you feel alive and full of purpose. 

  It is intoxicating. 

  And much like being intoxicated, self-righteous anger gives you tunnel vision, blinding you to the consequences of your words and actions. 

  It removes your compassion and inhibitions, and causes you to say and do things you would otherwise not do or say. 

  Often, you do not even know you are caught up in it until it is too late, or until someone calls you out. 

  This is one of the reasons friends are so important. 

  A good friend will tell you when you are wrong. 

  They will tell you when you are blinded by emotion and ego, and bring you back to reality. 

  A good friend wants you to be your best self, not for their sake, but for your own. 

  For this reason, a friend will tell you that you are out of line and that what you perceive as righteousness is actually just you taking yourself too seriously. 

  This can be hard to hear because self-righteous anger also deafens you to the truth. 

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  October 22, 2023

  anger, friends, friendship, truth

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• Together In The Moment

  Take time to enjoy the moments you have together because they are fleeting.

  In fact, this moment is the only moment like this that you get.

  Once it is gone, it is gone forever.

  Be present and pay attention.

  When you are together, be together.

  All of the distractions can wait.

  This moment is all that matters.

  This moment is the only truth and the only priority.

  Be here, now.

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  April 23, 2023

  awareness, distraction, family, friends, in the moment, mindfulness, presence

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• Trustworthy Counsel

  You need other people in your life who will tell you when you are wrong.

  When you are your only counsel, you are susceptible to all manner of deceit and delusion.

  In solitude, the voices of pride, ego, and fear are quite convincing.

  It is easy to get caught up in your own ideas, opinion, and beliefs, to lose perspective on reality and to be convinced you are right when, in fact, you are anything but.

  Having trustworthy counsel, people who care about you and who want to see you succeed, or at least not fail, will keep you on course when you begin drifting into a world of self deception.

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  March 28, 2023

  counsel, friends, perspective, trust

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• The Help We Need

  It is very difficult to receive the help we need if we are unwilling or unable to ask for it.

  Inevitably, we all need help in some form or another.

  There is simply too much in this life for us to handle alone.

  We are not meant to.

  It is prideful and foolish to even try.

  We will stumble.

  We will fall.

  This is all part of the process.

  It is a lesson.

  We will repeat this cycle over and over again until we learn that we need help.

  We need family.

  We need friends.

  We need support.

  But, before we can truly receive the help we need, we must acknowledge the need itself.

  We must be open and receptive to it.

  This requires vulnerability.

  Asking for and accepting help requires courage.

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  Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

  Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo Self Defense Academy where he teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

  All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.*

  *Robert Van Valkenburgh’s black and white photography can be seen at My Darkness To Light

  Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

  If you found this post helpful or meaningful in some way, please feel free to Share, Comment, and Subscribe below.

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  November 10, 2020

  assistance, courage, faith, family, friends, friendship, help, need, support, vulnerability

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• Savoring Scarcity

  “Daddy, I eat my cereal with a small spoon so that I can enjoy it more.”
  —My daughter

  

  Quite often, having more of what we enjoy most is either impossible or impractical.

  If we cannot have more, we must find ways to enjoy it more.

  This is true for many of the small things in life that we like, but that are not necessarily good for us beyond moderate doses.

  It is equally true, however, for many of the most important and most valuable aspects of our lives.

  Our time, our attention, and our loved ones, once gone, cannot be gotten back

  We get what we get and no more.

  Regardless of how much we hustle, organize, or optimize, we cannot make more hours in the day.

  No matter how well we think that we multi-task, every decision to focus on one aspect of our lives is equally a decision to ignore something or someone else.

  And, our friends and our family cannot be replicated or replaced.

  We must, therefore, find ways, no matter how small, to savor what we have.

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  Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

  Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

  All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.

  Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

  If you found this post helpful or meaningful in some way, please feel free to Share, Comment, and Subscribe below.

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  August 14, 2020

  attention, family, focus, friends, friendship, life, purpose, scarcity, time

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