In my hour of despair
I cried out for help
and found only darkness and nothingness
but I never lost faith
and the longer I sat there
and the deeper I went
the more that darkness and nothingness
began to reveal itself
as God’s eternal embrace
enveloping and comforting me
from long before I sought Him
until long after I am gone from this world
ETERNAL EMBRACE
By Robert Van Valkenburgh
Meditations of a Gentle Warrior
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If someone brings out the worst in us, we should be thankful.
They are doing us a favor.
They are teaching us about parts of ourselves that we may have otherwise remained ignorant of.
It is not easy to unearth the deepest, darkest aspects of our character.
These parts of who we are want to remain hidden.
They avoid the light, knowing that exposure may lead to their demise.
In the shadows of our being, they hide and whisper to us, trying to control us subtly so as to go unnoticed.
Their language is fear, anger, insecurity, and all other forms of life-stealing thoughts and emotions, our isolation and alienation from the light being their only goal.
But every once in a while the darkness within us shows its hand.
Some person or circumstance affects us in just the right way at exactly the right time and the darkness consumes us.
In these moments, it feels as though the light leaves us and all we feel is anger, fear, and pain.
In spite of how we may feel, these moments are a gift, however, for it is through them that we gain our greatest insight into that which is holding us back, controlling us, manipulating us, and keeping us from living a life as our true selves.
If we allow them to be, these moments are enlightening in every sense of the word.
We should, therefore, be thankful for those persons and situations that bring us to these dark, hidden places within ourselves.
For it is only by traversing the darkness within us that we will find our light to shine unto the world.
HOLISTIC BUDO: As in Life, so too in Budo. As in Budo, so too in Life.
“The bewilderments of the eyes are of two kinds, and arise from two causes, either from coming out of the light or from going into the light.”
—Socrates by way of Plato, The Republic
When my brother first came back from living abroad, I remember he looked different. He had a smile, a Kangol hat, and a warm glow of contentment and confidence. It was as if he knew exactly who he was and where he was going.
This image has stuck with me over the years and has always reminded me of the Greek philosopher Plato’s ‘Theory of Forms.’ Plato held that we live in an imperfect world of shadows, with the true, perfect essence of things, their true ‘form’ existing beyond us in some ideal, spiritual plane. According to Plato, we can attempt to know the true form of things, including ourselves, but it will always remain elusive to our grasp in this life.
The reason what I saw in my brother on that day, whether real or imagined, has always reminded me of Plato’s ‘forms’ is because I think that, at certain times in our lives, even if for a brief moment, if we are truly fortunate, we experience the truth of our ourselves in our ideal form. All of our shadows give way to the light and we glow as the best versions of ourselves in the reality of who and what we are meant to be.
Rightly or wrongly, I believe that we all deserve to experience ourselves in this way at one point or another, that we all deserve to live in the light, to grow familiar our own truth, and to stand tall, confident, and radiant in who we are. Beyond that, I also believe that we have a duty to see the light in others, to look beyond their shadows, and to embrace their truth, their essence, and their ideal form, even if it does not yet exist as such in this world.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
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“There is no courage without vulnerability.” —Brené Brown
We have all seen people who carry themselves with what looks like confidence, but something is a little bit off about it. Something is not quite right. Instead of being quiet and self-assured, like true confidence should be, it is loud, brash, and ostentatious, as if it is hiding some other truth behind its facade.
The thing about true confidence is that it is not one dimensional. It is not a front. It is not a show put on for the world to see, a distraction from what is really going on beneath the surface.
True confidence has depth, weight, and strength, but only because the truly confident have become so, not by avoiding fear, failure, vulnerability, hurt, loneliness, and sadness, but by facing these in themselves, acknowledging them, embracing them, and taking courageous action in spite of them.
Confidence is not the result of covering up our fragility, frailty, and insecurities, but of knowing them, of owning them, and of transforming them from darkness to light. Confidence is the simultaneous manifestation of both courage and vulnerability.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, as well as a founding member of the Severna Park and Baltimore Holistic Chamber of Commerce.
Street art photo taken by Robert Van Valkenburgh, artist unknown unless otherwise noted.
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Meditations on God 