If we do not ask for what we want, the answer is always no.
No one is waiting around to give us what we desire.
It is not simply going to be handed to us or dropped in our laps.
We have to speak up.
Knowing that we may be rejected, we have to take a risk and express our wishes.
No one is going to do it for us.
If we cannot or will not advocate for ourselves, the direction of our lives will be dictated by some combination of fate and the wishes or whims of other people, with us having no say in the matter.
The only way for our desires to manifest as reality is for us to speak them into power.
This does not guarantee us the result we hope for, but silence guarantees that our wishes we will go unheard.
‘Ask Or Do Not Receive’ by Robert Van Valkenburgh
HOLISTIC BUDO: As in Life, so too in Budo. As in Budo, so too in Life.
Things will not always go how we hoped they would or planned for them to go.
In fact, maybe most of the time things will go differently than we wished or assumed they would.
This is simply part of the path.
We cannot control every detail, variable, and circumstance so that all of life conforms to our will, our plans, and our designs.
That is an impossible task and one that will leave us exhausted, frustrated, and disappointed if we attempt it.
Instead of even trying, we are much better off accepting how little we truly know, preparing to be adaptable to the inevitable changes that will come at us, and embracing the mystery of the moments that lie ahead of us.
Life is much more interesting and enjoyable when we let it happen and participate in the happening than when we limit our experiences to our finite imaginations and desires anyway.
Our principles should take precedence over our desires.
What we want should never be more important to us than what is right.
The problem is that, without a clearly defined, tested, and proven set of first principles in our lives, it is very difficult to know the difference between what we desire and what is good, true, and just.
We are not born understanding this distinction.
We are born only with needs.
As we get older, these needs turn into wants.
It is not until we gain the ability to make decisions that morality becomes something we must concern ourselves with.
Even then, morality is something that must be taught.
If we are not taught do discern between right and wrong, it is very difficult to understand that what we want, or even what seems to get us what we want, is not necessarily what is right.
In fact, the more that we try to dedicate ourselves to what is right, the more we find that our desires, and sometimes even our perceived needs, are often in direct conflict with what is moral.
This does not mean that we should adjust our morality to suit our desires.
Instead, we must work diligently to train, shape, and focus our desires toward that which is right.
The more we do this, the more consistently we are able to put our principles, our morality, ahead of our desires, the more we find that what we want is actually what is right and that passion, frivolity, and selfishness are undesirable distractions from our purpose.
Our purpose is to live a principled, meaningful, and impactful life.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
It is okay to admit that the things we thought would make us happy, in fact, do not.
Every single one of us has a story, perhaps even several, that we tell ourselves, about what our ideal life might look like. We think, if only we could have or experience this or that, we would be happy. We tell ourselves, and maybe others, if only the circumstance, occupation, or relationships we are in were different, we would have peace or freedom or success.
The problem is that sometimes we get exactly what we thought we wanted or needed and find ourselves no more happy, no more content, and no more at peace than we were before. Quite often, instead of admitting and accepting that our circumstances are not the cause of or the cure for our internal state, we simply change our story to cast blame on some other external variable, disregarding the fact that we are the constant in the equation.
If only we were able to admit to ourselves that we were wrong, that our desires were based on false assumptions, that our limited knowledge and experience did not allow us to see the full picture, and that this is not a tragedy, but a blessing, we would find ourselves able to make progress.
It is okay to be wrong, to change our minds based on new, more accurate information, and it is okay to change course mid-journey if we find ourselves at an impasse. What is not okay is to keep going in the wrong direction in spite of ourselves, in spite of what we know to be true, and in spite of what our hearts are telling us we need.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
It is okay to fail. Not all things will work out the way we want or hope. As much as our efforts and our intentions matter, they play only a small part in determining the final outcome of our circumstances and our relationships.
In spite of our perceptions or desires, we actually have influence over a finite number of variables in our lives. In fact, the variables over which we have some semblance of control are quite often outnumbered and outweighed by those things over which we have no control or influence whatsoever.
Regardless of how well prepared we are, regardless of how we show up, behave, or perform, life happens, circumstances change, our environment changes, and people change or are not who we imagined them to be.
All we can do is to do our best with what resources we have available to us. Sometimes, maybe most of the time, our best is not good enough to make things work out the way we desire or imagine they should.
But, it is in doing our best through perceived failure that we learn who we are and who we are not. It is in coming up short with our best effort that we discover where we are strong, where we are weak, and where we must improve.
More importantly, however, it is by showing up, by committing, and by giving our all that we give ourselves the means by which to heal from our past mistakes or misperceptions, especially once we realize that not every failure in our life was or is our fault.
Some things simply can not and perhaps should not work out the way we want. The burden we bear is the responsibility to try, but we must free ourselves from and forgive ourselves for that which does not work out beyond our control.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Meditations on God 