Pretending to be smaller, quieter, or weaker than we actually are is no more humble than pretending to be bigger, louder, or stronger than we actually are.
Both are rooted in fear and insecurity.
Humility is about being right-sized, being exactly who we are without pretending to be more or less than that.
Humility requires courage.
The most humble, selfless, and generous thing we can do is to be our powerful and vulnerable selves, no more and no less.
Every day, we have the choice to treat others in a way that builds them up and makes them feel important, included, and involved, or to behave toward others in a way that puts them down and makes them feel small, insignificant, and irrelevant.
It does not take much effort to see which of these alternatives is more desirable.
And still, we live in a world wherein the latter is becoming more and more common in our daily interactions, and the former is becoming less and less so.
Instead of building each other up, treating each other as necessary and vital, we find ourselves divided by conflict, putting each other down as a way of securing our place in the world and telling ourselves that we are important, powerful, and relevant.
In reality, we are more powerful together than we are apart.
Additionally, our greatest power is expressed through our ability to come together, to join forces, and to build each other up in ways that we could never do alone.
Our greatest power is found through our relationships and empowerment is a process of mutual uplifting.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Instead of being worried or frustrated by the fact that certain things are beyond of our reach and outside of our control, we should take comfort in this knowledge.
This knowledge gives us a baseline, a starting point, and a firm footing from which to pivot.
Knowing what we have no power over in our lives gives us clarity and focus.
It tells us to look elsewhere to make a change, to be of service, and to do our best work.
If we know what we cannot control, we also know what we can.
Our attention and our effort should be directed toward that which we can affect, not that which we cannot.
Giving power to that which we have no power over is a path of hopelessness and despair.
Our power resides in that which we can change and those who we can help.
No matter how trivial or insignificant it may seem, by starting here, with what is in front of us, we empower ourselves and give ourselves hope.
Change starts small and it starts here, where we are, in this moment.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
They are born smart, talented, beautiful, wealthy, or some combination of these.
Most of us are not.
Most of us have to work for what we have, what we want, and who we want to be.
To compare ourselves to the lucky is beyond foolish.
The lucky did not become so on their own.
They did not work for it.
They did not will it into being.
It is not something they had control over.
It is not something they earned.
It serves no purpose to envy that which another person has or is, especially when they played no role in having or being it.
Envy will not help us to be more lucky.
Luck is unreliable and difficult to replicate.
It is far better to focus on that which we can control, that which we can change, and that which will actually improve our lives, our position, and our character.
Envy of another person is distraction enough from our own power, our own capabilities, and our own potential, but to be envious of luck is to admit that we have no hope of or plan for improvement.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Meditations on God 