Criticism is easy, but it ultimately leads to misery.
It helps you to believe you are separate from the person you are criticizing, and it excuses you from looking at yourself and the role you play in your own unhappiness.
As long as you can point at someone else as being the problem, you do not have to face the truth about yourself and your relationship with your discontentment.
The only way to transcend this attitude of judgement and the separation it creates is to through compassion and forgiveness, both for others and for yourself.
Compassion and forgiveness are not easy, but they are the path to peace.
We cannot live a meaningful life while also expecting everyone to like us.
It simply will not happen.
If we are attempting to be ourselves, to fulfill our potential, and to live a life in accordance with our truth, someone, somewhere will look down on us. Someone, somewhere will have something bad to say about us.
It is impossible to figure out who we are and who we are meant to be by conforming to the expectations, limitations, and insecurities of the people, community, and culture around us.
We have to be bold. We have to be brave. We have to live out loud, in the open, and in the light.
But, we must be aware of the fact that standing in the light makes us vulnerable.
The light shines on the good and the bad in us.
It shines on our strengths and our weaknesses.
It highlights all that makes us unique, especially our flaws our failings.
We cannot step out into the light without being criticized and without being judged.
Judgement is inevitable.
We can either choose to face it, embrace it, and to transcend our fear of it, or we will succumb to it, shrink away from it, and hide because of it.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Our choices are not always as clear as right or wrong; we must sometimes choose between beauty and ugliness.
We often think of morality in terms of black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. This type of either/or thinking makes us feel better about the path we have chosen because it places us in a position of moral superiority to those who have made a different choice from us. We tell ourselves that we are on the righteous path and that others who believe or behave differently are on the path of evil and corruption.
We claim special knowledge with these kinds of distinctions. They are predicated on the belief that we have unique insight into the truth of things, giving us the ability to see beyond the lies and deceptions that others fall prey to so easily. Ours is authentic wisdom and only we are educated and inspired enough to know, to see, to hear, and to speak the truth, while all who do not believe as we do are necessarily either foolish, immoral, or both.
It is true that some beliefs and behaviors are undeniably more honorable, righteous, and just than their reprehensible, unethical, and despicable opposites. Quite often, however, this distinction has more to do with benevolent or malicious intent than anything else and most people, ourselves included, in spite of flawed beliefs and imperfect actions, do not actually want to do harm to others. We are far better off, instead of being the constant judge and jury of what is right and wrong, a position which is not only unhelpful, but also quite exhausting, looking at our own beliefs and behaviors, and asking ourselves in each moment whether, through them, we are adding more beauty or more ugliness to the world.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Meditations on God 