Tag: friendship

• Diverging Paths

  When it is time for someone to move on from your life, do not try to hold them back.

  No matter how much you care for them or feel you have done for them, if they need something different, that is their affair.

  You have no right to anyone’s friendship, companionship, or time.

  What others chooses to give you is a gift.

  If it is not given freely, if it is coerced, manipulated, or forced, it is not real and it is not sustainable.

  You cannot make someone want to be with you, nor should you try.

  Everyone has his or her own path to travel in this life.

  Sometimes your path will run in parallel with someone else’s for an extended period of time.

  Some paths merely cross for a moment.

  But nothing in this life lasts forever.

  All paths will diverge someday.

  It is not for you to try to force them to run together for longer than they should.

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  November 19, 2023

  change, friendship, life, relationships

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• Fair Warning

  If you associate with someone who treats others poorly, do not be surprised when they treat you the same way someday.

  A person who consistently shows you that he or she is willing to be intentionally unkind to others is doing you a favor.

  They are giving you a warning.

  They are telling you that they will eventually treat you the same way.

  Do not assume you are exempt from their unkindness simply because you are presently on their good side.

  Someday, you will do something to get on their bad side and you will no longer be safe from their cruelty.

  People like this do not make exceptions forever.

  The only person they do not turn on is themselves.

  For people like this, you are only safe from their wrath for as long as you agree with them and align yourself with their cause.

  If you ever confront or challenge them, you will immediately fall out of their good graces.

  You will become the enemy.

  To people like this, anyone who does not help them get their way or maintain their illusions of perfection is the enemy.

  The day will come when you will have to choose between your own integrity and their dubious and one-sided friendship.

  Either choice has its consequences so you must decide what is more important to you, your own dignity or the companionship of someone who does not understand the meaning of the word.

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  November 15, 2023

  friendship, relationships

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• Intoxicating Anger

  The problem with self-righteous anger is that it feels good. 

  When you are in its grips, you feel alive and full of purpose. 

  It is intoxicating. 

  And much like being intoxicated, self-righteous anger gives you tunnel vision, blinding you to the consequences of your words and actions. 

  It removes your compassion and inhibitions, and causes you to say and do things you would otherwise not do or say. 

  Often, you do not even know you are caught up in it until it is too late, or until someone calls you out. 

  This is one of the reasons friends are so important. 

  A good friend will tell you when you are wrong. 

  They will tell you when you are blinded by emotion and ego, and bring you back to reality. 

  A good friend wants you to be your best self, not for their sake, but for your own. 

  For this reason, a friend will tell you that you are out of line and that what you perceive as righteousness is actually just you taking yourself too seriously. 

  This can be hard to hear because self-righteous anger also deafens you to the truth. 

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  October 22, 2023

  anger, friends, friendship, truth

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• Becoming Together

  Very few people in this life will love you simply for being yourself.

  Most people will love you for being who they need you to be.

  Relationships come with expectations, responsibilities, and obligations.

  Simply being yourself will not be enough; you will also have to give of yourself.

  Additionally, you must adapt, grow, and change in order to maintain these relationships.

  Who you are may initially connect you to others, but who you become together, through joy and pain, laughter and grief, compromise and struggle, is what will keep your relationships going.

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  April 1, 2023

  community, compromise, expectations, friendship, obligations, relationships, responsibilities, togetherness

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• The Help We Need

  It is very difficult to receive the help we need if we are unwilling or unable to ask for it.

  Inevitably, we all need help in some form or another.

  There is simply too much in this life for us to handle alone.

  We are not meant to.

  It is prideful and foolish to even try.

  We will stumble.

  We will fall.

  This is all part of the process.

  It is a lesson.

  We will repeat this cycle over and over again until we learn that we need help.

  We need family.

  We need friends.

  We need support.

  But, before we can truly receive the help we need, we must acknowledge the need itself.

  We must be open and receptive to it.

  This requires vulnerability.

  Asking for and accepting help requires courage.

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  Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

  Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo Self Defense Academy where he teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

  All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.*

  *Robert Van Valkenburgh’s black and white photography can be seen at My Darkness To Light

  Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.

  If you found this post helpful or meaningful in some way, please feel free to Share, Comment, and Subscribe below.

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  November 10, 2020

  assistance, courage, faith, family, friends, friendship, help, need, support, vulnerability

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