You cannot give someone courage, but sometimes your presence is all a person needs in order to behave courageously.
They simply need to know, whether they win or lose, succeed or fail, that you will be by their side throughout the experience.
The work of being courageous is theirs alone to do, but your presence can be a platform upon which they stand when they do that work and upon which they fall if they fail.
In this way, in the truest sense of the word, your presence is an act of encouragement.
That is to say, your presence has the ability to give someone courage they may not have been able to tap into alone.
We walk such a fine line as parents, giving guidance, encouragement, and support while still allowing our children to find their own way, be their own persons, and pursue their own paths.
We want the best for them, but we also cannot do the work for them.
We want to share our hopes and courage with them, but without also giving them our fears and insecurities.
We want to see them do great things, but we have to be careful not to live vicariously through them.
And we will mess it up. We will make mistakes and have regrets. We will think we are doing what is right, but we will often be wrong.
We will fumble and we will fail, but as long as we continue to show up, to be loving and present to the degree we are able to do so, we will walk that fine line with them, and sometimes that is the best we can do.
“The secret to change and growth is not willpower or goalsetting, but positive community.” —Neil Strauss
The process of growth and change is not always easy nor are we likely to be comfortable as we move through it. In fact, improvement is nearly always difficult. It is challenging and it is sometimes even painful, but that is why we need each other.
If we truly want to improve, if we want to grow and be better than we were yesterday, we need to be challenged and we need to be pushed. We need others to hold us accountable and to see past our present limitations to the possibility of who we can be, who we are destined to be. In order for us to live up to our true potential, we need a community of people who are working toward the same goal.
Growth does not happen in a vacuum, nor does it happen in isolation. If we want to be better, we need to surround ourselves with people who want us to be better, who push us to be better, and who give us the opportunity to be better. No one else can do the work for us, but a positive community can give us the courage, the motivation, and the will to do it for ourselves when we otherwise might quit.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
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How do we protect our passion from our discouragers?
‘Trail’ by Ana
When we are at our most enthusiastic, most excited, and most optimistic about an idea, we are also our most vulnerable. If, in this moment, the people around us encourage us, motivate us, and help to clear our path, we can accomplish anything. If, however, they discourage us, put us down, and try to block our way, we have to make a decision.
We could continue moving forward and ignore them, hoping that maybe someday they will see what we see and will cheer us on or join us. We could choose to stop doing that which excites us, settling back down to the level of the people around us. Or we could decide that their negativity is holding us back from our true potential and that the only way to have a fulfilling life is to free ourselves from the burden of such distractions.
There is really no correct choice. We all have to measure our decisions against our circumstances and our values. That said, it is certainly worth questioning why our friends or our family would put us down instead of lifting us up, when we are in the raw emotional state of joy that is the passionate pursuit of something meaningful to us.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Meditations on God 