One of the most powerful and long-lasting lessons of my childhood came from being required to do chores around the house before being allowed to go outside to play with my friends.
As parents, we want the best for our children. We want them to be kind, decent, and successful. And, we want to provide them with the support, the lessons, and the values that will give them the best chance to be these things.
This is no easy task, however. It requires not only time, energy, and presence, but also a great deal of persistence, insistence, and patience with regards to things that they do not yet understand as being good for them or the family as a whole.
It is difficult to know, of all of the knowledge, morals, and skills that we try to instill in our children as they grow up, which will actually take hold, which will make a difference in their character and their lives, and which are worth the effort and the struggle it often takes to make even a little bit of noticeable progress.
The truth is that everything is a lesson. Every moment is a teachable moment. Every task, every activity, and every interaction is an exchange of information. Whether we know it or not, whether we acknowledge it or not, and whether we like it or not, every gesture, attitude, and behavior is being observed, absorbed, and processed. It all means something and it all counts.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Love, if it is not some hollow sentiment, is inextricably tied to duty.
Love is a promise that requires action in order to be demonstrated, proven, and fulfilled.
Love’s claim is a debt owed. It is a pledge of time, both in quantity and quality. It is the assurance of presence, attention, and engagement regardless of, or even in spite of, inconvenience.
To say that we love another person is to imply that we are doing something to love them. They do not have to notice it. They do not have to reciprocate. They are not the ones making the claim. We are.
If our love is more than just a feeling or a word, we must behave in a way that is loving.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Bodyand Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
What would I have missed if I was not willing to pay attention?
A few nights ago, as I was writing, my daughter walked past me to go to the bathroom. Less than a minute later, she came back and told me that the house was too dark and she was scared to go to the bathroom by herself. I reminded her that she is almost four and she knows how to turn the lights on. I told her how brave I know her to be and that I knew she could do it on her own. Still, she stood next to me and asked me to take her to the bathroom. She wanted me to carry her.
As I picked her up, her little arms wrapped around me and I understood. She seemed heavier than the day before. She seemed taller and older than the last time I carried her, even if it was no more than twenty-four hours prior. She was growing up and my embrace could not slow it down. It was in that moment that I understood every request by this little girl to be with me was an honor that needed my attention. She needed my attention.
I held her. I truly held her, knowing that this was life and it would be different in the blink of an eye. Soon, this moment I was allowed to have with her will no longer be a possibility or at least it will not be the same. For now, for as long as I can and for as long as she lets me, I will carry her wherever she asks and I will consider it a blessing to do so.
-Robert Van Valkenburgh teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu at Kogen Dojo
Meditations on God 