We are not responsible for either the consequences or the healing of the trauma that other people bring to a relationship with us.
The best we can do is to love them as they are and for who they are capable of becoming.
But, we cannot solve their problems or resolve their issues.
That is their work to do.
We can be compassionate observers to the process, but we are not saviors or direct healers.
That said, a loving relationship can help to facilitate healing, but the work that must be done in order to transcend trauma for good and all is internal.
If our love is going to aid in this process, we must be able to give it without any expectation of this result or any other.
Love with expectations is not love freely given.
It is conditional.
But, love that has the power to transform has no expectations nor does it have conditions.
The reason for this is because the love that has the power to transform does not come from us, so we have no right to expect or require anything in exchange for it.
Even if a person we love is changed through our love, if they are able to look inward and to face and transcend their trauma in part because of what our love represents to them, we did not do that for them.
We cannot do that for them.
Only love can do that and, even our love, if it is the kind of love that can transform others, is not really our love anyway.
We own no burden in someone else’s trauma if we did not cause it.
We are not responsible for their living with it, their working through it, or their healing from it.
The best we can hope for is to be a vessel for the kind of love that has the power to transform.
We must keep in mind, however, that which a vessel transports does not belong to the vessel.