Very few people in this life will love you simply for being yourself.
Most people will love you for being who they need you to be.
Relationships come with expectations, responsibilities, and obligations.
Simply being yourself will not be enough; you will also have to give of yourself.
Additionally, you must adapt, grow, and change in order to maintain these relationships.
Who you are may initially connect you to others, but who you become together, through joy and pain, laughter and grief, compromise and struggle, is what will keep your relationships going.
It is easier to relax if we have taken care of our responsibilities first.
This is not always the easy path to take.
Nor is it likely to be the most fun.
But, it is the path that is necessary for long-term success.
The problem we face is that we cannot see into the future.
We do not know how long we will have to toil before we can rest.
And, this, itself, can be exhausting.
There is no promise that our responsibilities will ever end.
What is certain, however, is that if we do not tend to our responsibilities now, not only will they not go away, but our troubles are sure to pile up on top of them.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Our footsteps should be such that, were others to follow them, we would be proud of where they led.
A lot of what we do from day to day ends up simply being a matter of routine or habit, as if we are on auto-pilot with external forces driving our decisions from one moment to the next. Necessity and obligation often dictate that we take directions in our lives that, if it were up to us alone, we may not actually choose. This does not make us any less responsible for our lives or our choices, however.
Ultimately, every choice we make, whether it was our idea or not, whether it was the obvious, practical, popular, or even necessary choice, is ours to live with. It does not end there, though. Every decision we make or do not make, every action we take or do not take, and every thought, word, or sentiment we express or do not express has a long-lasting and far-reaching unforeseen effect.
Every step we take leaves an impression on the world. These impressions are not easily swept away or forgotten either by time or by those who are affected by them. We should, therefore, choose consciously, wisely, and intentionally how, where, and with whom we walk through this life because others are always affected, watching, and even following.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh (artist unknown, unless otherwise noted).
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Often, the struggle we face in our lives is between what other people want from us and what we actually want for ourselves.
When we are young, we are told that we can be anything we want to be when we grow up, but, as we get older, we are also told that we must conform to expectations in order to fit in, get ahead, and be successful. Over time, we discover that what we want to do is not necessarily the same as what we must do, nor is who we want to be necessarily the same as who we must be. As the realities of life creep in, these lines begin to blur and it is easy to lose sight of who we were before we were told who to be.
The more responsibilities we acquire in our lives, the more difficult we may find it is to separate what is needed to satisfy others from what is needed to satisfy ourselves. As we struggle to find balance, there is always a risk of moving too far in one direction or another. If we move too far toward expectations, we may lose our own identity, but if we move too far away from them, we may lose our community, but we need both.
The goal should be to pursue and embrace the ideas, traits, and desires that make us unique in a way that also benefits the people around us, such that we are adding value to and also influencing our community though our creativity, passions, and perspectives, not in spite of them. If our community does not support us in this, we have to determine whether it is our ideas or our environment that needs to change, making sure that we move forward in the direction of what is healthy, righteous, and true.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Meditations on God 