misunderstanding – Meditations on God

An unwillingness to understand other people’s perspectives will keep you in a state of unnecessary conflict.

If you care more about what you think, how you feel, how you perceive things than you do about what others think, how others feel, and how they perceive things, you will find that you experience a lot of misunderstandings.

This is not to say that you must agree with everyone in order to avoid unnecessary conflict.

You are entitled to your own ideas, feelings, and experiences.

You need not conform to the feelings, beliefs, or opinions of others in order to get along with them, but it does help to try to understand them.

This means trying to see the world from their perspective.

If you can put yourself in the shoes of others, you are more likely to come to an understanding with them than you are to have unnecessary conflict with them.

Most misunderstandings are preventable if only you are more willing to listen than you are insistent on talking, but this is easier to know than it is to do.

It’s easy to assume malicious intent when someone does or says something that hurts us, but a more likely reason for their behavior is simply that they do not know how to act differently.

The fact is that people often do not even know that they are being hurtful when we feel that they are or were. They simply do their thing and keep going on about their lives with little regard for how others feel about their actions. This apparent lack of concern is not due to apathy, but is because they have their own feelings, insecurities, and problems to tend to.

Really, most hurtful interactions are the result of a misunderstanding. One person does or says something that is interpreted by the recipient in a way that is different from how the communicator intended. This is then exacerbated by the recipient’s inability or unwillingness to communicate his or her hurt feelings so as to clear the air, and the relationship becomes strained by something that may have simply been innocent or unintended.

When we are hurt or offended, we must find a way to step back from our feelings and to examine these emotions through a filter of compassion and understanding. Better still, why should we wait until misunderstandings and hurt feelings crop up before we are compassionate and understanding? If we approach relationships proactively, instead of reactively, if we bring compassion and understanding to the forefront of our interactions, we may find that everyone involved is less likely to be hurt or offended.

Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.

Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, as well as a founding member of the Severna Park and Baltimore Holistic Chamber of Commerce.

Artwork by Ana, except where otherwise noted.

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Meditations on God

Tag: misunderstanding

Understanding And Conflict

Compassion at the Forefront

Tag: misunderstanding

Understanding And Conflict

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Compassion at the Forefront

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