The world does not need more people who follow along.
We don’t need more of the same.
We need leaders, innovators, and free thinkers.
If you don’t fit in, that is a good thing.
Stand out, make some noise, and make a difference.
It will be lonely at first, but you will be lonelier conforming beneath your potential.
Lead us in a better direction than where we are currently headed.
The characteristics that make us each unique, special, and good as individuals, when manifested too extremely, can actually make us less effective in our ability to be of service to others.
There is, after all, such a thing as too much of a good thing.
This is especially true when it comes to our personalities.
It is easy, blinded in pride by that which we are passionate about and feel called to do or express, to go too far, to overreach, and to step on the toes of others.
Therefore, it is important that we know where our boundaries and the boundaries of others are, for it is at these boundaries that we meet, collaborate, and cooperate.
At these boundaries, where our good and the good of others overlap, if we are able to set our pride aside and come together in service to the greater good, we will find that we have formed a community.
Only in a community of mutual beneficence are we truly able to thrive, with those things that make us each unique, special, and good shining forth unto the world in their purest and brightest forms without being darkened by the shadows of the extremes that hinder us in our aim to serve.
Conformity is easy.
We need only to do what we are told in order to get ahead.
Conformity is easy, that is, up until the moment that we realize that conformity is also a competition.
Once we come to this realization, we quickly begin to understand that we are in trouble.
We are in trouble if we lose because we are easily replaced by others who are better at conforming than we are.
We are in even more trouble if we win, however.
Why?
The only way to win the conformity competition is to have fewer opinions, to have fewer ideas, and to have less of an identity than our fellow competitors.
Winning at the conformity competition means losing ourselves, our hopes, and our dreams.
But, the fact that we had these to begin with means we are at a disadvantage.
Others who did not are already ahead of us and it will probably be easier for them the whole way through.
So what are we to do?
Do we try to win at a competition that requires us to lose who we are?
Or, do we lose what we have by being beat out by others who are willing to sacrifice more than we are in order to race to the bottom?
Neither of these options seems ideal.
Perhaps we feel like we need something else, something different, or something better, but no one is going to give it to us, at least not unless we are willing to play the conformity game to get it.
But, that puts us right back to where we started.
We have to do something.
We have to make something.
We have to lead the way.
Leadership requires that we understand what motivates the people around us.
We have to know what they want, what they are striving towards, and whether what we want from them helps or prevents them from getting where they are ultimately going.
We need to know their internal motivations, their interests, and their goals.
We need to know why they are where they are, why they want or do not want to be there, and where they would rather be if they had the means and opportunity.
In order to motivate others to follow our lead, to assist us in our mission, and to help us to achieve our, ideally mutually beneficial, goals, we have to care about who they are, what they want, and why they want it.
And, we need them to know that we care about them and what they want.
We need them to know that we want them to be successful, that we want them to get where they are going, and that we want to help them achieve whatever goals they are striving for, even if, perhaps especially if, these things do not actually benefit us.
This is the difference between leading and managing or supervising.
Leadership requires empathy.
Without this vital component, we may be able to get others to do what we want for a while, but we will never be able to keep them on our team in the long run because their internal motivations, if they are at odds with our needs or demands, will eventually pull them away from us.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo Self Defense Academy where he teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
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Discouragement may be motivation enough to do great work, but it still hurts.
Sharing is an inherently vulnerable act. It opens us up to criticism, disappointment, and discouragement. When we are passionate about an idea, a project, or a goal and we share our excitement with someone else, what are are telling that person is that we trust them.
We are opening up to them, putting the fate of our hope and our joy in their hands, and asking them to care for our dreams the way that we do, or at least to not diminish them, dismiss them, or destroy them.
If our sharing is met with apathy, disdain, or, even worse, mockery, it hurts and it challenges our sincerity. It forces us to question ourselves, our ideas, and our dedication, and it leaves us with a difficult choice to make.
Many great ideas have been given up on because they were met with negativity, but many have also been brought to life in spite of it, or perhaps even because of it.
We should keep this in mind when someone shares an idea, a project, or a goal with us. We should acknowledge the courage and the trust that it took for them to do so and we should be honored that we were considered worthy recipients.
Even if we do not see the value in what is shared, if we value the person who is doing the sharing, it is worth considering that it is their character and intention that needs acknowledgement, support, and reciprocated trust, not necessarily the specific idea, project, or goal.
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh unless otherwise noted.
Follow Robert Van Valkenburgh and Holistic Budo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn.
If you found this post helpful or meaningful in some way, please feel free to Share, Comment, and Subscribe below.
Meditations on God 