The help you needed may be different than the help others need from you.
It is an honorable thing to be for others the kind of mentor that you needed yourself.
This is a noble goal and a powerful way to be of service.
As you grow, however, you may find this strategy to be extremely limiting.
Not everyone needs what you needed.
Instead of trying to be who you needed, the higher calling is to be who others need, but this requires a greater amount of compassion and wisdom because it means looking past and feeling beyond yourself.
Good mentors serve who they once were, but great mentors serve who is in front of them.
GREAT MENTORS By Robert Van Valkenburgh Meditations of a Gentle Warrior
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“I have only ever asked God for enough and he has always provided.” —Joe Sheya (my first martial art instructor)
I am have never been shy about discussing the large degree to which my late hapkido teacher, Joe Sheya, impacted my life. He passed away in 2014, but some of the lessons he passed onto me and others near me still resonate within me as being as, or more, true than ever. Recently I am reminded of the above statement I heard him say on many occasions.
Joe was not a financially wealthy man. He was a career school teacher who took side jobs so that he could enjoy his hobbies of motorcycle riding, scuba diving, and later flying airplanes (a hobby cut short for medical reasons) and boating. In addition to these, he enjoyed wearing nice clothes, going to the movies, and going out to eat whenever the mood suited him, but he always worked hard in order to be able to afford what he understood to be luxuries.
In spite of running a dojang (Korean martial art academy) for essentially his entire adult life, he never made money off of martial arts, even though he tried to in various ways throughout the years. He lived in a small home built just for him that had everything he needed, nothing more, and nothing less. Every time the subject of money, and especially wealth, came up, he would, at least to my memory, always say the same thing, “I have only ever asked God for enough and he has always provided.”
Holistic Budo: As it is in budo, so too it is in life. As it is in life, so too it is in budo.
Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Taikyoku Mind & Body and Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All photos by Robert Van Valkenburgh (artist unknown, unless otherwise noted).
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Honoring a loved one’s memory is a very personal thing.
Several years ago, my teacher, friend, and mentor passed away. He left behind many people who cared about him a great deal, people upon whose lives he made a major, positive impact.
The people closest to him, the people who were directly affected by his presence on a regular basis, all have different, unique ways of honoring his memory now that he is gone.
Some honor his memory by doing the things he said he wanted them to do. Others honor his memory by doing the things they think he would have wanted done. Others still honor his memory by doing what they want, which is what he usually did, and by following their whims and passions wherever they may lead.
The thing is, none of these approaches are wrong because they are all rooted in a heartfelt, sincere desire to pay respect to the life he led and the lessons he taught.
He was the kind of person who, when he looked at you and truly saw you, it made you feel special, like your life had deep purpose and meaning. Being the person he saw, being this better version of ourselves, that, I think is the greatest honor we can do to his memory.
“As in life, so too it is in budo. As in budo, so too it is in life.”
Meditations on God 