Meditations on God

Early in my management career, my supervisor and I sat down to discuss my staff. I had several employees who were not only underperforming, but who were actively doing things that were unacceptable when seen as a pattern of behavior. They would show up to work late or out of dress-code, call out sick with no attempt to find coverage for their shifts, or provide poor customer service in general. I had only recently taken over the store I was working at and I was overwhelmed. I had never worked at a store before with this many people who cared so little about their jobs.

My manager was sympathetic because he was in a similar circumstance. The district that he managed was new to him and he was essentially sent there to clean up someone else’s mess. It is difficult to manage a large number of people at once, amidst constantly changing circumstances, but managing a large number of people who had never really been managed before is a much more difficult challenge. He spent a lot of time coaching me on strategies for digging myself out of the hole I felt like I was in.

Some people, he told me, need only be told what is expected of them and they will perform to or above that standard. Others require a steady flow of positive reinforcement and motivational tweaking. Some, however, are like mischievous children who want to test your boundaries and who are only motivated by consequences.

For those who cannot or will not be motivated by the kinder, gentler approaches, he explained, one should treat them similar to the way that a parent would treat a child insistent on touching a hot stove. “Don’t touch the stove. It will burn you,” says the parent at first with a concerned, but compassionate tone. Observing that the child is not listening, the parent becomes more stern, “I said, do NOT touch the stove! It will BURN you!” If the child persists, however, in spite of several warnings to the contrary, the parent may let nature run its course, saying, “Go ahead. Touch the stove. See what happens.”

– Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Gracie Jiu-Jitsu

In my early 20s, the philosophy books that I was reading took a hard shift from the religio-philosophic writings of Taoism and Buddhism to the more worldly thinkers of the West. At the time, the practical intellectual framework provided by these philosophers was something I needed more than the more esoteric teachings found in Eastern religious philosophy. I needed a firm footing in the world more than I needed to transcend it.

Being young and full of myself, I wanted to discuss, ie debate, these philosophical ideas with everyone. Part of me was interested in a sincere, thoughtful exchange of ideas, but mostly I just wanted to argue. I became a sort of intellectual bully, assaulting those around me with my opinions, ideas, and ideology. This is a period of my life I am not particularly proud of because I alienated a lot of good people out of pride and arrogance.

One day, I was in the company of a good friend and his wife. My friend, who was and remains a trusted advisor, and I were discussing my attitudes and behavior, which he observed had changed. His wife, also a dear friend, turned to me and said, “You really seem to have reinvented yourself these days.” I knew immediately that she was not complimenting my charming wit. “No,” my friend said, “He has re-excused himself.”

– Robert Van Valkenburgh is co-founder of Kogen Dojo where he teaches Taikyoku Budo and Gracie Jiu-Jitsu